I SPARE my readers the account
of my delight on coming home,
my happiness while there - enjoying
a brief space of rest and liberty
in that dear, familiar place,
among the loving and the loved
- and my sorrow on being obliged
to bid them, once more, a long
adieu.
I returned, however, with unabated
vigour to my work - a more arduous
task than anyone can imagine,
who has not felt something like
the misery of being charged with
the care and direction of a set
of mischievous, turbulent rebels,
whom his utmost exertions cannot
bind to their duty; while, at
the same time, he is responsible
for their conduct to a higher
power, who exacts from him what
cannot be achieved without the
aid of the superior's more potent
authority; which, either from
indolence, or the fear of becoming
unpopular with the said rebellious
gang, the latter refuses to give.
I can conceive few situations
more harassing than that wherein,
however you may long for success,
however you may labour to fulfil
your duty, your efforts are baffled
and set at nought by those beneath
you, and unjustly censured and
misjudged by those above.
I have not enumerated half
the vexatious propensities of
my pupils, or half the troubles
resulting from my heavy responsibilities,
for fear of trespassing too much
upon the reader's patience; as,
perhaps, I have already done;
but my design in writing the
few last pages was not to amuse,
but to benefit those whom it
might concern; he that has no
interest in such matters will
doubtless have skipped them over
with a cursory glance, and, perhaps,
a malediction against the prolixity
of the writer; but if a parent
has, therefrom, gathered any
useful hint, or an unfortunate
governess received thereby the
slightest benefit, I am well
rewarded for my pains.
To avoid trouble and confusion,
I have taken my pupils one by
one, and discussed their various
qualities; but this can give
no adequate idea of being worried
by the whole three together;
when, as was often the case,
all were determined to 'be naughty,
and to tease Miss Grey, and put
her in a passion.'
Sometimes, on such occasions,
the thought has suddenly occurred
to me - 'If they could see me
now!' meaning, of course, my
friends at home; and the idea
of how they would pity me has
made me pity myself - so greatly
that I have had the utmost difficulty
to restrain my tears: but I have
restrained them, till my little
tormentors were gone to dessert,
or cleared off to bed (my only
prospects of deliverance), and
then, in all the bliss of solitude,
I have given myself up to the
luxury of an unrestricted burst
of weeping. But this was a weakness
I did not often indulge: my employments
were too numerous, my leisure
moments too precious, to admit
of much time being given to fruitless
lamentations.
I particularly remember one
wild, snowy afternoon, soon after
my return in January: the children
had all come up from dinner,
loudly declaring that they meant
'to be naughty;' and they had
well kept their resolution, though
I had talked myself hoarse, and
wearied every muscle in my throat,
in the vain attempt to reason
them out of it. I had got Tom
pinned up in a corner, whence,
I told him, he should not escape
till he had done his appointed
task. Meantime, Fanny had possessed
herself of my work-bag, and was
rifling its contents - and spitting
into it besides. I told her to
let it alone, but to no purpose,
of course. 'Burn it, Fanny!'
cried Tom: and THIS command she
hastened to obey. I sprang to
snatch it from the fire, and
Tom darted to the door. 'Mary
Ann, throw her desk out of the
window!' cried he: and my precious
desk, containing my letters and
papers, my small amount of cash,
and all my valuables, was about
to be precipitated from the three-storey
window. I flew to rescue it.
Meanwhile Tom had left the room,
and was rushing down the stairs,
followed by Fanny. Having secured
my desk, I ran to catch them,
and Mary Ann came scampering
after. All three escaped me,
and ran out of the house into
the garden, where they plunged
about in the snow, shouting and
screaming in exultant glee.
What must I do? If I followed
them, I should probably be unable
to capture one, and only drive
them farther away; if I did not,
how was I to get them in? And
what would their parents think
of me, if they saw or heard the
children rioting, hatless, bonnetless,
gloveless, and bootless, in the
deep soft snow? While I stood
in this perplexity, just without
the door, trying, by grim looks
and angry words, to awe them
into subjection, I heard a voice
behind me, in harshly piercing
tones, exclaiming, -
'Miss Grey! Is it possible?
What, in the devil's name, can
you be thinking about?'
'I can't get them in, sir,'
said I, turning round, and beholding
Mr. Bloomfield, with his hair
on end, and his pale blue eyes
bolting from their sockets.
'But I INSIST upon their being
got in!' cried he, approaching
nearer, and looking perfectly
ferocious.
'Then, sir, you must call them
yourself, if you please, for
they won't listen to me,' I replied,
stepping back.
'Come in with you, you filthy
brats; or I'll horsewhip you
every one!' roared he; and the
children instantly obeyed. 'There,
you see! - they come at the first
word!'
'Yes, when YOU speak.'
'And it's very strange, that
when you've the care of 'em you've
no better control over 'em than
that! - Now, there they are -
gone up- stairs with their nasty
snowy feet! Do go after 'em and
see them made decent, for heaven's
sake!'
That gentleman's mother was
then staying in the house; and,
as I ascended the stairs and
passed the drawing-room door,
I had the satisfaction of hearing
the old lady declaiming aloud
to her daughter-in-law to this
effect (for I could only distinguish
the most emphatic words) -
'Gracious heavens! - never
in all my life - ! - get their
death as sure as - ! Do you think,
my dear, she's a PROPER PERSON?
Take my word for it - '
I heard no more; but that sufficed.
The senior Mrs. Bloomfield
had been very attentive and civil
to me; and till now I had thought
her a nice, kind-hearted, chatty
old body. She would often come
to me and talk in a confidential
strain; nodding and shaking her
head, and gesticulating with
hands and eyes, as a certain
class of old ladies are won't
to do; though I never knew one
that carried the peculiarity
to so great an extent. She would
even sympathise with me for the
trouble I had with the children,
and express at times, by half
sentences, interspersed with
nods and knowing winks, her sense
of the injudicious conduct of
their mamma in so restricting
my power, and neglecting to support
me with her authority. Such a
mode of testifying disapprobation
was not much to my taste; and
I generally refused to take it
in, or understand anything more
than was openly spoken; at least,
I never went farther than an
implied acknowledgment that,
if matters were otherwise ordered
my task would be a less difficult
one, and I should be better able
to guide and instruct my charge;
but now I must be doubly cautious.
Hitherto, though I saw the old
lady had her defects (of which
one was a proneness to proclaim
her perfections), I had always
been wishful to excuse them,
and to give her credit for all
the virtues she professed, and
even imagine others yet untold.
Kindness, which had been the
food of my life through so many
years, had lately been so entirely
denied me, that I welcomed with
grateful joy the slightest semblance
of it. No wonder, then, that
my heart warmed to the old lady,
and always gladdened at her approach
and regretted her departure.
But now, the few words luckily
or unluckily heard in passing
had wholly revolutionized my
ideas respecting her: now I looked
upon her as hypocritical and
insincere, a flatterer, and a
spy upon my words and deeds.
Doubtless it would have been
my interest still to meet her
with the same cheerful smile
and tone of respectful cordiality
as before; but I could not, if
I would: my manner altered with
my feelings, and became so cold
and shy that she could not fail
to notice it. She soon did notice
it, and HER manner altered too:
the familiar nod was changed
to a stiff bow, the gracious
smile gave place to a glare of
Gorgon ferocity; her vivacious
loquacity was entirely transferred
from me to 'the darling boy and
girls,' whom she flattered and
indulged more absurdly than ever
their mother had done.
I confess I was somewhat troubled
at this change: I feared the
consequences of her displeasure,
and even made some efforts to
recover the ground I had lost
- and with better apparent success
than I could have anticipated.
At one time, I, merely in common
civility, asked after her cough;
immediately her long visage relaxed
into a smile, and she favoured
me with a particular history
of that and her other infirmities,
followed by an account of her
pious resignation, delivered
in the usual emphatic, declamatory
style, which no writing can portray.
'But there's one remedy for
all, my dear, and that's resignation'
(a toss of the head), 'resignation
to the will of heaven!' (an uplifting
of the hands and eyes). 'It has
always supported me through all
my trials, and always will do'
(a succession of nods). 'But
then, it isn't everybody that
can say that' (a shake of the
head); 'but I'm one of the pious
ones, Miss Grey!' (a very significant
nod and toss). 'And, thank heaven,
I always was' (another nod),
'and I glory in it!' (an emphatic
clasping of the hands and shaking
of the head). And with several
texts of Scripture, misquoted
or misapplied, and religious
exclamations so redolent of the
ludicrous in the style of delivery
and manner of bringing in, if
not in the expressions themselves,
that I decline repeating them,
she withdrew; tossing her large
head in high good- humour - with
herself at least - and left me
hoping that, after all, she was
rather weak than wicked.
At her next visit to Wellwood
House, I went so far as to say
I was glad to see her looking
so well. The effect of this was
magical: the words, intended
as a mark of civility, were received
as a flattering compliment; her
countenance brightened up, and
from that moment she became as
gracious and benign as heart
could wish - in outward semblance
at least. From what I now saw
of her, and what I heard from
the children, I know that, in
order to gain her cordial friendship,
I had but to utter a word of
flattery at each convenient opportunity:
but this was against my principles;
and for lack of this, the capricious
old dame soon deprived me of
her favour again, and I believe
did me much secret injury.
She could not greatly influence
her daughter-in-law against me,
because, between that lady and
herself there was a mutual dislike
- chiefly shown by her in secret
detractions and calumniations;
by the other, in an excess of
frigid formality in her demeanour;
and no fawning flattery of the
elder could thaw away the wall
of ice which the younger interposed
between them. But with her son,
the old lady had better success:
he would listen to all she had
to say, provided she could soothe
his fretful temper, and refrain
from irritating him by her own
asperities; and I have reason
to believe that she considerably
strengthened his prejudice against
me. She would tell him that I
shamefully neglected the children,
and even his wife did not attend
to them as she ought; and that
he must look after them himself,
or they would all go to ruin.
Thus urged, he would frequently
give himself the trouble of watching
them from the windows during
their play; at times, he would
follow them through the grounds,
and too often came suddenly upon
them while they were dabbling
in the forbidden well, talking
to the coachman in the stables,
or revelling in the filth of
the farm-yard - and I, meanwhile,
wearily standing, by, having
previously exhausted my energy
in vain attempts to get them
away. Often, too, he would unexpectedly
pop his head into the schoolroom
while the young people were at
meals, and find them spilling
their milk over the table and
themselves, plunging their fingers
into their own or each other's
mugs, or quarrelling over their
victuals like a set of tiger's
cubs. If I were quiet at the
moment, I was conniving at their
disorderly conduct; if (as was
frequently the case) I happened
to be exalting my voice to enforce
order, I was using undue violence,
and setting the girls a bad example
by such ungentleness of tone
and language.
I remember one afternoon in
spring, when, owing to the rain,
they could not go out; but, by
some amazing good fortune, they
had all finished their lessons,
and yet abstained from running
down to tease their parents -
a trick that annoyed me greatly,
but which, on rainy days, I seldom
could prevent their doing; because,
below, they found novelty and
amusement - especially when visitors
were in the house; and their
mother, though she bid me keep
them in the schoolroom, would
never chide them for leaving
it, or trouble herself to send
them back. But this day they
appeared satisfied with, their
present abode, and what is more
wonderful still, seemed disposed
to play together without depending
on me for amusement, and without
quarrelling with each other.
Their occupation was a somewhat
puzzling one: they were all squatted
together on the floor by the
window, over a heap of broken
toys and a quantity of birds'
eggs - or rather egg-shells,
for the contents had luckily
been abstracted. These shells
they had broken up and were pounding
into small fragments, to what
end I could not imagine; but
so long as they were quiet and
not in positive mischief, I did
not care; and, with a feeling
of unusual repose, I sat by the
fire, putting the finishing stitches
to a frock for Mary Ann's doll;
intending, when that was done,
to begin a letter to my mother.
Suddenly the door opened, and
the dingy head of Mr. Bloomfield
looked in.
'All very quiet here! What
are you doing?' said he. 'No
harm TO- DAY, at least,' thought
I. But he was of a different
opinion. Advancing to the window,
and seeing the children's occupations,
he testily exclaimed - 'What
in the world are you about?'
'We're grinding egg-shells,
papa!' cried Tom.
'How DARE you make such a mess,
you little devils? Don't you
see what confounded work you're
making of the carpet?' (the carpet
was a plain brown drugget). 'Miss
Grey, did you know what they
were doing?'
'Yes, sir.'
'You knew it?'
'Yes.'
'You knew it! and you actually
sat there and permitted them
to go on without a word of reproof!'
'I didn't think they were doing
any harm.'
'Any harm! Why, look there!
Just look at that carpet, and
see - was there ever anything
like it in a Christian house
before? No wonder your room is
not fit for a pigsty - no wonder
your pupils are worse than a
litter of pigs! - no wonder -
oh! I declare, it puts me quite
past my patience' and he departed,
shutting the door after him with
a bang that made the children
laugh.
'It puts me quite past my patience
too!' muttered I, getting up;
and, seizing the poker, I dashed
it repeatedly into the cinders,
and stirred them up with unwonted
energy; thus easing my irritation
under pretence of mending the
fire.
After this, Mr. Bloomfield
was continually looking in to
see if the schoolroom was in
order; and, as the children were
continually littering the floor
with fragments of toys, sticks,
stones, stubble, leaves, and
other rubbish, which I could
not prevent their bringing, or
oblige them to gather up, and
which the servants refused to
'clean after them,' I had to
spend a considerable portion
of my valuable leisure moments
on my knees upon the floor, in
painsfully reducing things to
order. Once I told them that
they should not taste their supper
till they had picked up everything
from the carpet; Fanny might
have hers when she had taken
up a certain quantity, Mary Ann
when she had gathered twice as
many, and Tom was to clear away
the rest. Wonderful to state,
the girls did their part; but
Tom was in such a fury that he
flew upon the table, scattered
the bread and milk about the
floor, struck his sisters, kicked
the coals out of the coal-pan,
attempted to overthrow the table
and chairs, and seemed inclined
to make a Douglas-larder of the
whole contents of the room: but
I seized upon him, and, sending
Mary Ann to call her mamma, held
him, in spite of kicks, blows,
yells, and execrations, till
Mrs. Bloomfield made her appearance.
'What is the matter with my
boy?' said she.
And when the matter was explained
to her, all she did was to send
for the nursery-maid to put the
room in order, and bring Master
Bloomfield his supper.
'There now,' cried Tom, triumphantly,
looking up from his viands with
his mouth almost too full for
speech. 'There now, Miss Grey!
you see I've got my supper in
spite of you: and I haven't picked
up a single thing!'
The only person in the house
who had any real sympathy for
me was the nurse; for she had
suffered like afflictions, though
in a smaller degree; as she had
not the task of teaching, nor
was she so responsible for the
conduct of her charge.
'Oh, Miss Grey!' she would
say, 'you have some trouble with
them childer!'
'I have, indeed, Betty; and
I daresay you know what it is.'
'Ay, I do so! But I don't vex
myself o'er 'em as you do. And
then, you see, I hit 'em a slap
sometimes: and them little 'uns
- I gives 'em a good whipping
now and then: there's nothing
else will do for 'em, as what
they say. Howsoever, I've lost
my place for it.'
'Have you, Betty? I heard you
were going to leave.'
'Eh, bless you, yes! Missis
gave me warning a three wik sin'.
She told me afore Christmas how
it mud be, if I hit 'em again;
but I couldn't hold my hand off
'em at nothing. I know not how
YOU do, for Miss Mary Ann's worse
by the half nor her sisters!'
|