NEXT morning
I rose with the dawn, and having
dressed myself
and stood half-an-hour, my elbow
leaning on the chest of drawers,
considering what means I should
adopt to restore my spirits,
fagged with sleeplessness, to
their ordinary tone--for I had
no intention of getting up a
scene with M. Pelet, reproaching
him with perfidy, sending him
a challenge, or performing other
gambadoes of the sort--I hit
at last on the expedient of walking
out in the cool of the morning
to a neighbouring establishment
of baths, and treating myself
to a bracing plunge. The remedy
produced the desired effect.
I came back at seven o'clock
steadied and invigorated, and
was able to greet M. Pelet, when
he entered to breakfast, with
an unchanged and tranquil countenance;
even a cordial offering of the
hand and the flattering appellation
of "mon fils," pronounced in
that caressing tone with which
Monsieur had, of late days especially,
been accustomed to address me,
did not elicit any external sign
of the feeling which, though
subdued, still glowed at my heart.
Not that I nursed vengeance--no;
but the sense of insult and treachery
lived in me like a kindling,
though as yet smothered coal.
God knows I am not by nature
vindictive; I would not hurt
a man because I can no longer
trust or like him; but neither
my reason nor feelings are of
the vacillating order--they are
not of that sand-like sort where
impressions, if soon made, are
as soon effaced. Once convinced
that my friend's disposition
is incompatible with my own,
once assured that he is indelibly
stained with certain defects
obnoxious to my principles, and
I dissolve the connection. I
did so with Edward. As to Pelet,
the discovery was yet new; should
I act thus with him? It was the
question I placed before my mind
as I stirred my cup of coffee
with a half-pistolet (we never
had spoons), Pelet meantime being
seated opposite, his pallid face
looking as knowing and more haggard
than usual, his blue eye turned,
now sternly on his boys and ushers,
and now graciously on me.
"Circumstances must guide me," said
I; and meeting Pelet's false
glance and insinuating smile,
I thanked heaven that I had last
night opened my window and read
by the light of a full moon the
true meaning of that guileful
countenance. I felt half his
master, because the reality of
his nature was now known to me;
smile and flatter as he would,
I saw his soul lurk behind his
smile, and heard in every one
of his smooth phrases a voice
interpreting their treacherous
import.
But Zoraide
Reuter? Of course her defection
had cut me to the
quick? That stint; must have
gone too deep for any consolations
of philosophy to be available
in curing its smart? Not at all.
The night fever over, I looked
about for balm to that wound
also, and found some nearer home
than at Gilead. Reason was my
physician; she began by proving
that the prize I had missed was
of little value: she admitted
that, physically, Zoraide might
have suited me, but affirmed
that our souls were not in harmony,
and that discord must have resulted
from the union of her mind with
mine. She then insisted on the
suppression of all repining,
and commanded me rather to rejoice
that I had escaped a snare. Her
medicament did me good. I felt
its strengthening effect when
I met the directress the next
day; its stringent operation
on the nerves suffered no trembling,
no faltering; it enabled me to
face her with firmness, to pass
her with ease. She had held out
her hand to me--that I did not
choose to see. She had greeted
me with a charming smile--it
fell on my heart like light on
stone. I passed on to the estrade,
she followed me; her eye, fastened
on my face, demanded of every
feature the meaning of my changed
and careless manner. "I will
give her an answer," thought
I; and, meeting her gaze full,
arresting, fixing her glance,
I shot into her eyes, from my
own, a look, where there was
no respect, no love, no tenderness,
no gallantry; where the strictest
analysis could detect nothing
but scorn, hardihood, irony.
I made her bear it, and feel
it; her steady countenance did
not change, but her colour rose,
and she approached me as if fascinated.
She stepped on to the estrade,
and stood close by my side; she
had nothing to say. I would not
relieve her embarrassment, and
negligently turned over the leaves
of a book.
"I hope you feel quite recovered
to-day," at last she said, in
a low tone.
"And I, mademoiselle,
hope that you took no cold
last night
in consequence of your late walk
in the garden."
Quick enough
of comprehension, she understood
me directly; her
face became a little blanched--a
very little--but no muscle in
her rather marked features moved;
and, calm and self-possessed,
she retired from the estrade,
taking her seat quietly at a
little distance, and occupying
herself with netting a purse.
I proceeded to give my lesson;
it was a "Composition," i.e.,
I dictated certain general questions,
of which the pupils were to compose
the answers from memory, access
to books being forbidden. While
Mdlle. Eulalie, Hortense, Caroline, &c.,
were pondering over the string
of rather abstruse grammatical
interrogatories I had propounded,
I was at liberty to employ the
vacant half hour in further observing
the directress herself. The green
silk purse was progressing fast
in her hands; her eyes were bent
upon it; her attitude, as she
sat netting within two yards
of me, was still yet guarded;
in her whole person were expressed
at once, and with equal clearness,
vigilance and repose--a rare
union! Looking at her, I was
forced, as I had often been before,
to offer her good sense, her
wondrous self-control, the tribute
of involuntary admiration. She
had felt that I had withdrawn
from her my esteem; she had seen
contempt and coldness in my eye,
and to her, who coveted the approbation
of all around her, who thirsted
after universal good opinion,
such discovery must have been
an acute wound. I had witnessed
its effect in the momentary pallor
of her cheek-cheek unused to
vary; yet how quickly, by dint
of self-control, had she recovered
her composure! With what quiet
dignity she now sat, almost at
my side, sustained by her sound
and vigorous sense; no trembling
in her somewhat lengthened, though
shrewd upper lip, no coward shame
on her austere forehead!
"There is metal there," I said,
as I gazed. "Would that there
were fire also, living ardour
to make the steel glow--then
I could love her."
Presently I discovered that
she knew I was watching her,
for she stirred not, she lifted
not her crafty eyelid; she had
glanced down from her netting
to her small foot, peeping from
the soft folds of her purple
merino gown; thence her eye reverted
to her hand, ivory white, with
a bright garnet ring on the forefinger,
and a light frill of lace round
the wrist; with a scarcely perceptible
movement she turned her head,
causing her nut-brown curls to
wave gracefully. In these slight
signs I read that the wish of
her heart, the design of her
brain, was to lure back the game
she had scared. A little incident
gave her the opportunity of addressing
me again.
While all was silence in the
class--silence, but for the rustling
of copy-books and the travelling
of pens over their pages--a leaf
of the large folding-door, opening
from the hall, unclosed, admitting
a pupil who, after making a hasty
obeisance, ensconced herself
with some appearance of trepidation,
probably occasioned by her entering
so late, in a vacant seat at
the desk nearest the door. Being
seated, she proceeded, still
with an air of hurry and embarrassment,
to open her cabas, to take out
her books; and, while I was waiting
for her to look up, in order
to make out her identity--for,
shortsighted as I was, I had
not recognized her at her entrance--Mdlle.
Reuter, leaving her chair, approached
the estrade.
"Monsieur Creemsvort," said
she, in a whisper: for when the
schoolrooms were silent, the
directress always moved with
velvet tread, and spoke in the
most subdued key, enforcing order
and stillness fully as much by
example as precept: "Monsieur
Creemsvort, that young person,
who has just entered, wishes
to have the advantage of taking
lessons with you in English;
she is not a pupil of the house;
she is, indeed, in one sense,
a teacher, for she gives instruction
in lace-mending, and in little
varieties of ornamental needle-work.
She very properly proposes to
qualify herself for a higher
department of education, and
has asked permission to attend
your lessons, in order to perfect
her knowledge of English, in
which language she has, I believe,
already made some progress; of
course it is my wish to aid her
in an effort so praiseworthy;
you will permit her then to benefit
by your instruction--n'est ce
pas, monsieur?" And Mdlle. Reuter's
eyes were raised to mine with
a look at once naive, benign,
and beseeching.
I replied, "Of course," very
laconically, almost abruptly.
"Another word," she said, with
softness: "Mdlle. Henri has not
received a regular education;
perhaps her natural talents are
not of the highest order: but
I can assure you of the excellence
of her intentions, and even of
the amiability of her disposition.
Monsieur will then, I am sure,
have the goodness to be considerate
with her at first, and not expose
her backwardness, her inevitable
deficiencies, before the young
ladies, who, in a sense, are
her pupils. Will Monsieur Creemsvort
favour me by attending to this
hint?" I nodded. She continued
with subdued earnestness--
"Pardon me,
monsieur, if I venture to add
that what I have
just said is of importance to
the poor girl; she already experiences
great difficulty in impressing
these giddy young things with
a due degree of deference for
her authority, and should that
difficulty be increased by new
discoveries of her incapacity,
she might find her position in
my establishment too painful
to be retained; a circumstance
I should much regret for her
sake, as she can ill afford to
lose the profits of her occupation
here."
Mdlle. Reuter possessed marvellous
tact; but tact the most exclusive,
unsupported by sincerity, will
sometimes fail of its effect;
thus, on this occasion, the longer
she preached about the necessity
of being indulgent to the governess
pupil, the more impatient I felt
as I listened. I discerned so
clearly that while her professed
motive was a wish to aid the
dull, though well-meaning Mdlle.
Henri, her real one was no other
than a design to impress me with
an idea of her own exalted goodness
and tender considerateness; so
having again hastily nodded assent
to her remarks, I obviated their
renewal by suddenly demanding
the compositions, in a sharp
accent, and stepping from the
estrade, I proceeded to collect
them. As I passed the governess-pupil,
I said to her--
"You have come
in too late to receive a lesson
to-day; try
to be more punctual next time."
I was behind
her, and could not read in
her face the effect
of my not very civil speech.
Probably I should not have troubled
myself to do so, had I been full
in front; but I observed that
she immediately began to slip
her books into her cabas again;
and, presently, after I had returned
to the estrade, while I was arranging
the mass of compositions, I heard
the folding-door again open and
close; and, on looking up, I
perceived her place vacant. I
thought to myself, "She will
consider her first attempt at
taking a lesson in English something
of a failure;" and I wondered
whether she had departed in the
sulks, or whether stupidity had
induced her to take my words
too literally, or, finally, whether
my irritable tone had wounded
her feelings. The last notion
I dismissed almost as soon as
I had conceived it, for not having
seen any appearance of sensitiveness
in any human face since my arrival
in Belgium, I had begun to regard
it almost as a fabulous quality.
Whether her physiognomy announced
it I could not tell, for her
speedy exit had allowed me no
time to ascertain the circumstance.
I had, indeed, on two or three
previous occasions, caught a
passing view of her (as I believe
has been mentioned before); but
I had never stopped to scrutinize
either her face or person, and
had but the most vague idea of
her general appearance. Just
as I had finished rolling up
the compositions, the four o'clock
bell rang; with my accustomed
alertness in obeying that signal,
I grasped my hat and evacuated
the premises.
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