The King and Queen of Hearts
were seated on their throne when
they arrived, with a great crowd
assembled about them--all sorts
of little birds and beasts, as
well as the whole pack of cards:
the Knave was standing before
them, in chains, with a soldier
on each side to guard him; and
near the King was the White Rabbit,
with a trumpet in one hand, and
a scroll of parchment in the
other. In the very middle of
the court was a table, with a
large dish of tarts upon it:
they looked so good, that it
made Alice quite hungry to look
at them--`I wish they'd get the
trial done,' she thought, `and
hand round the refreshments!'
But there seemed to be no chance
of this, so she began looking
at everything about her, to pass
away the time.
Alice had never been in a court
of justice before, but she had
read about them in books, and
she was quite pleased to find
that she knew the name of nearly
everything there. `That's the
judge,' she said to herself,
`because of his great wig.'
The judge, by the way, was
the King; and as he wore his
crown over the wig, (look at
the frontispiece if you want
to see how he did it,) he did
not look at all comfortable,
and it was certainly not becoming.
`And that's the jury-box,'
thought Alice, `and those twelve
creatures,' (she was obliged
to say `creatures,' you see,
because some of them were animals,
and some were birds,) `I suppose
they are the jurors.' She said
this last word two or three times
over to herself, being rather
proud of it: for she thought,
and rightly too, that very few
little girls of her age knew
the meaning of it at all. However,
`jury-men' would have done just
as well.
The twelve jurors were all
writing very busily on slates.
`What are they doing?' Alice
whispered to the Gryphon. `They
can't have anything to put down
yet, before the trial's begun.'
`They're putting down their
names,' the Gryphon whispered
in reply, `for fear they should
forget them before the end of
the trial.'
`Stupid things!' Alice began
in a loud, indignant voice, but
she stopped hastily, for the
White Rabbit cried out, `Silence
in the court!' and the King put
on his spectacles and looked
anxiously round, to make out
who was talking.
Alice could see, as well as
if she were looking over their
shoulders, that all the jurors
were writing down `stupid things!'
on their slates, and she could
even make out that one of them
didn't know how to spell `stupid,'
and that he had to ask his neighbour
to tell him. `A nice muddle their
slates'll be in before the trial's
over!' thought Alice.
One of the jurors had a pencil
that squeaked. This of course,
Alice could not stand, and she
went round the court and got
behind him, and very soon found
an opportunity of taking it away.
She did it so quickly that the
poor little juror (it was Bill,
the Lizard) could not make out
at all what had become of it;
so, after hunting all about for
it, he was obliged to write with
one finger for the rest of the
day; and this was of very little
use, as it left no mark on the
slate.
`Herald, read the accusation!'
said the King.
On this the White Rabbit blew
three blasts on the trumpet,
and then unrolled the parchment
scroll, and read as follows:--
`The Queen of Hearts, she made
some tarts, All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts, he stole
those tarts, And took them quite
away!'
`Consider your verdict,' the
King said to the jury.
`Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit
hastily interrupted. `There's
a great deal to come before that!'
`Call the first witness,' said
the King; and the White Rabbit
blew three blasts on the trumpet,
and called out, `First witness!'
The first witness was the Hatter.
He came in with a teacup in one
hand and a piece of bread-and-butter
in the other. `I beg pardon,
your Majesty,' he began, `for
bringing these in: but I hadn't
quite finished my tea when I
was sent for.'
`You ought to have finished,'
said the King. `When did you
begin?'
The Hatter looked at the March
Hare, who had followed him into
the court, arm-in-arm with the
Dormouse. `Fourteenth of March,
I think it was,' he said.
`Fifteenth,' said the March
Hare.
`Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.
`Write that down,' the King
said to the jury, and the jury
eagerly wrote down all three
dates on their slates, and then
added them up, and reduced the
answer to shillings and pence.
`Take off your hat,' the King
said to the Hatter.
`It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.
`Stolen!' the King exclaimed,
turning to the jury, who instantly
made a memorandum of the fact.
`I keep them to sell,' the
Hatter added as an explanation;
`I've none of my own. I'm a hatter.'
Here the Queen put on her spectacles,
and began staring at the Hatter,
who turned pale and fidgeted.
`Give your evidence,' said
the King; `and don't be nervous,
or I'll have you executed on
the spot.'
This did not seem to encourage
the witness at all: he kept shifting
from one foot to the other, looking
uneasily at the Queen, and in
his confusion he bit a large
piece out of his teacup instead
of the bread-and-butter.
Just at this moment Alice felt
a very curious sensation, which
puzzled her a good deal until
she made out what it was: she
was beginning to grow larger
again, and she thought at first
she would get up and leave the
court; but on second thoughts
she decided to remain where she
was as long as there was room
for her.
`I wish you wouldn't squeeze
so.' said the Dormouse, who was
sitting next to her. `I can hardly
breathe.'
`I can't help it,' said Alice
very meekly: `I'm growing.'
`You've no right to grow here,'
said the Dormouse.
`Don't talk nonsense,' said
Alice more boldly: `you know
you're growing too.'
`Yes, but I grow at a reasonable
pace,' said the Dormouse: `not
in that ridiculous fashion.'
And he got up very sulkily and
crossed over to the other side
of the court.
All this time the Queen had
never left off staring at the
Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse
crossed the court, she said to
one of the officers of the court,
`Bring me the list of the singers
in the last concert!' on which
the wretched Hatter trembled
so, that he shook both his shoes
off.
`Give your evidence,' the King
repeated angrily, `or I'll have
you executed, whether you're
nervous or not.'
`I'm a poor man, your Majesty,'
the Hatter began, in a trembling
voice, `--and I hadn't begun
my tea--not above a week or so--and
what with the bread-and-butter
getting so thin--and the twinkling
of the tea--'
`The twinkling of the what?'
said the King.
`It began with the tea,' the
Hatter replied.
`Of course twinkling begins
with a T!' said the King sharply.
`Do you take me for a dunce?
Go on!'
`I'm a poor man,' the Hatter
went on, `and most things twinkled
after that--only the March Hare
said--'
`I didn't!' the March Hare
interrupted in a great hurry.
`You did!' said the Hatter.
`I deny it!' said the March
Hare.
`He denies it,' said the King:
`leave out that part.'
`Well, at any rate, the Dormouse
said--' the Hatter went on, looking
anxiously round to see if he
would deny it too: but the Dormouse
denied nothing, being fast asleep.
`After that,' continued the
Hatter, `I cut some more bread-
and-butter--'
`But what did the Dormouse
say?' one of the jury asked.
`That I can't remember,' said
the Hatter.
`You MUST remember,' remarked
the King, `or I'll have you executed.'
The miserable Hatter dropped
his teacup and bread-and-butter,
and went down on one knee. `I'm
a poor man, your Majesty,' he
began.
`You're a very poor speaker,'
said the King.
Here one of the guinea-pigs
cheered, and was immediately
suppressed by the officers of
the court. (As that is rather
a hard word, I will just explain
to you how it was done. They
had a large canvas bag, which
tied up at the mouth with strings:
into this they slipped the guinea-pig,
head first, and then sat upon
it.)
`I'm glad I've
seen that done,' thought Alice.
`I've so often
read in the newspapers, at the
end of trials, "There was some
attempts at applause, which was
immediately suppressed by the
officers of the court," and I
never understood what it meant
till now.'
`If that's all you know about
it, you may stand down,' continued
the King.
`I can't go no lower,' said
the Hatter: `I'm on the floor,
as it is.'
`Then you may SIT down,' the
King replied.
Here the other guinea-pig cheered,
and was suppressed.
`Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!'
thought Alice. `Now we shall
get on better.'
`I'd rather finish my tea,'
said the Hatter, with an anxious
look at the Queen, who was reading
the list of singers.
`You may go,' said the King,
and the Hatter hurriedly left
the court, without even waiting
to put his shoes on.
`--and just take his head off
outside,' the Queen added to
one of the officers: but the
Hatter was out of sight before
the officer could get to the
door.
`Call the next witness!' said
the King.
The next witness was the Duchess's
cook. She carried the pepper-box
in her hand, and Alice guessed
who it was, even before she got
into the court, by the way the
people near the door began sneezing
all at once.
`Give your evidence,' said
the King.
`Shan't,' said the cook.
The King looked anxiously at
the White Rabbit, who said in
a low voice, `Your Majesty must
cross-examine THIS witness.'
`Well, if I must, I must,'
the King said, with a melancholy
air, and, after folding his arms
and frowning at the cook till
his eyes were nearly out of sight,
he said in a deep voice, `What
are tarts made of?'
`Pepper, mostly,' said the
cook.
`Treacle,' said a sleepy voice
behind her.
`Collar that Dormouse,' the
Queen shrieked out. `Behead that
Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse
out of court! Suppress him! Pinch
him! Off with his whiskers!'
For some minutes the whole
court was in confusion, getting
the Dormouse turned out, and,
by the time they had settled
down again, the cook had disappeared.
`Never mind!' said the King,
with an air of great relief.
`Call the next witness.' And
he added in an undertone to the
Queen, `Really, my dear, YOU
must cross-examine the next witness.
It quite makes my forehead ache!'
Alice watched the White Rabbit
as he fumbled over the list,
feeling very curious to see what
the next witness would be like,
`--for they haven't got much
evidence YET,' she said to herself.
Imagine her surprise, when the
White Rabbit read out, at the
top of his shrill little voice,
the name `Alice!'
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