WELL, when
that cargo arrived toward sunset,
Saturday afternoon, I had my
hands full to keep the Marcos
from fainting. They were sure
Jones and
I were ruined past help, and they blamed themselves
as accessories to this bankruptcy. You see, in addition to the dinner-materials,
which called for a sufficiently
round sum, I had bought a lot
of extras for the future comfort
of the family: for instance,
a big lot of
wheat, a delicacy as rare to the tables of their class as
was ice-cream to a hermit's; also a sizeable deal
dinner-table; also two entire pounds of salt, which
was another piece of extravagance in those people's
eyes; also crockery, stools, the clothes, a small cask
of beer, and so on. I instructed the Marcos to keep
quiet about this sumptuousness, so as to give me a
chance to surprise the guests and show off a little.
Concerning the new clothes, the simple couple were
like children; they were up and down, all night, to
see if it wasn't nearly daylight, so that they could put
them on, and they were into them at last as much as
an hour before dawn was due. Then their pleasure --
not to say delirium -- was so fresh and novel and inspiring that the sight of
it paid me well for the interruptions
which my sleep had suffered.
The king had slept just as
usual -- like the dead. The
Marcos could
not thank him for their clothes, that being forbidden;
but they tried every way they could think of to make
him see how grateful they were. Which all went for
nothing: he didn't notice any change.
It turned out to be one of
those rich and rare fall days
which is just a June day toned
down to a degree where it is
heaven to be out of doors. Toward
noon the guests arrived, and
we assembled under a great tree
and were soon as sociable as
old acquaintances. Even the king's
reserve melted a little, though
it was some little trouble to
him to adjust himself to the
name of Jones along at first.
I had asked him to try to not
forget that he was a farmer;
but I had also considered it
prudent to ask him to let the
thing stand at that, and not
elaborate it any. Because he
was just the kind of person you
could depend on to spoil a little
thing like that if you didn't
warn him, his tongue was so handy,
and his spirit so willing, and
his information so uncertain.
Dowley was
in fine feather, and I early
got him started,
and then adroitly worked him
around onto his own history for
a text and himself for a hero,
and then it was good to sit there
and hear him hum. Self-made man,
you know. They know how to talk.
They do deserve more credit than
any other breed of men, yes,
that is true; and they are among
the very first to find it out,
too. He told how he had begun
life an orphan lad without money
and without friends able to help
him; how he had lived as the
slaves of the meanest master
lived; how his day's work was
from sixteen to eighteen hours
long, and yielded him only enough
black bread to keep him in a
half-fed condition; how his faithful
endeavors finally attracted the
attention of a good blacksmith,
who came near knocking him dead
with kindness by suddenly offering,
when he was totally unprepared,
to take him as his bound apprentice
for nine years and give him board
and clothes and teach him the
trade -- or "mystery" as Dowley
called it. That was his first
great rise, his first gorgeous
stroke of fortune; and you saw
that he couldn't yet speak of
it without a sort of eloquent
wonder and delight that such
a gilded promotion should have
fallen to the lot of a common
human being. He got no new clothing
during his apprenticeship, but
on his graduation day his master
tricked him out in spang-new
tow-linens and made him feel
unspeakably rich and fine.
"I remember me of that day!" the
wheelwright sang out, with enthusiasm.
"And I likewise!" cried the
mason. "I would not believe they
were thine own; in faith I could
not."
"Nor other!" shouted Dowley,
with sparkling eyes. "I was like
to lose my character, the neighbors
wending I had mayhap been stealing.
It was a great day, a great day;
one forgetteth not days like
that."
Yes, and his master was a fine
man, and prosperous, and always
had a great feast of meat twice
in the year, and with it white
bread, true wheaten bread; in
fact, lived like a lord, so to
speak. And in time Dowley succeeded
to the business and married the
daughter.
"And now consider what is come
to pass," said he, impressively. "Two
times in every month there is
fresh meat upon my table." He
made a pause here, to let that
fact sink home, then added -- "and
eight times salt meat."
"It is even true," said
the wheelwright, with bated
breath.
"I know it of mine own knowledge," said
the mason, in the same reverent
fashion.
"On my table appeareth white
bread every Sunday in the year," added
the master smith, with solemnity. "I
leave it to your own consciences,
friends, if this is not also
true?"
"By my head, yes," cried
the mason.
"I can testify it -- and I
do," said the wheelwright.
"And as to furniture, ye shall
say yourselves what mine equipment
is. " He waved his hand in fine
gesture of granting frank and
unhampered freedom of speech,
and added: "Speak as ye are moved;
speak as ye would speak; an I
were not here."
"Ye have five stools, and of
the sweetest workmanship at that,
albeit your family is but three," said
the wheelwright, with deep respect.
"And six wooden goblets, and
six platters of wood and two
of pewter to cat and drink from
withal," said the mason, impressively. "And
I say it as knowing God is my
judge, and we tarry not here
alway, but must answer at the
last day for the things said
in the body, be they false or
be they sooth."
"Now ye know what manner of
man I am, brother Jones," said
the smith, with a fine and friendly
condescension, "and doubtless
ye would look to find me a man
jealous of his due of respect
and but sparing of outgo to strangers
till their rating and quality
be assured, but trouble yourself
not, as concerning that; wit
ye well ye shall find me a man
that regardeth not these matters
but is willing to receive any
he as his fellow and equal that
carrieth a right heart in his
body, be his worldly estate howsoever
modest. And in token of it, here
is my hand; and I say with my
own mouth we are equals -- equals "--
and he smiled around on the company
with the satisfaction of a god
who is doing the handsome and
gracious thing and is quite well
aware of it.
The king took the hand with
a poorly disguised reluctance,
and let go of it as willingly
as a lady lets go of a fish;
all of which had a good effect,
for it was mistaken for an embarrassment
natural to one who was being
called upon by greatness.
The dame brought out the table
now, and set it under the tree.
It caused a visible stir of surprise,
it being brand new and a sumptuous
article of deal. But the surprise
rose higher still when the dame,
with a body oozing easy indifference
at every pore, but eyes that
gave it all away by absolutely
flaming with vanity, slowly unfolded
an actual simon-pure tablecloth
and spread it. That was a notch
above even the blacksmith's domestic
grandeurs, and it hit him hard;
you could see it. But Marco was
in Paradise; you could see that,
too. Then the dame brought two
fine new stools -- whew! that
was a sensation; it was visible
in the eyes of every guest. Then
she brought two more -- as calmly
as she could. Sensation again
-- with awed murmurs. Again she
brought two -- walking on air,
she was so proud. The guests
were petrified, and the mason
muttered:
"There is that
about earthly pomps which doth
ever move to
reverence."
As the dame turned away, Marco
couldn't help slapping on the
climax while the thing was hot;
so he said with what was meant
for a languid composure but was
a poor imitation of it:
"These suffice;
leave the rest."
So there were more yet! It
was a fine effect. I couldn't
have played the hand better myself.
From this out,
the madam piled up the surprises
with a rush
that fired the general astonishment
up to a hundred and fifty in
the shade, and at the same time
paralyzed expression of it down
to gasped "Oh's" and "Ah's," and
mute upliftings of hands and
eyes. She fetched crockery --
new, and plenty of it; new wooden
goblets and other table furniture;
and beer, fish, chicken, a goose,
eggs, roast beef, roast mutton,
a ham, a small roast pig, and
a wealth of genuine white wheaten
bread. Take it by and large,
that spread laid everything far
and away in the shade that ever
that crowd had seen before. And
while they sat there just simply
stupefied with wonder and awe,
I sort of waved my hand as if
by accident, and the storekeeper's
son emerged from space and said
he had come to collect.
"That's all right," I said,
indifferently. "What is the amount?
give us the items."
Then he read off this bill,
while those three amazed men
listened, and serene waves of
satisfaction rolled over my soul
and alternate waves of terror
and admiration surged over Marco's:
2 pounds salt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 200
8 dozen pints beer, in the wood . . . . . 800
3 bushels wheat . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2,700
2 pounds fish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100
3 hens . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 400
1 goose . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 400
3 dozen eggs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 150
1 roast of beef . . . . . . . . . . . . . 450
1 roast of mutton . . . . . . . . . . . . 400
1 ham . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 800
1 sucking pig . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 500
2 crockery dinner sets . . . . . . . . . 6,000
2 men's suits and underwear . . . . . . . 2,800
1 stuff and 1 linsey-woolsey gown
and underwear . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1,600
8 wooden goblets . . . . . . . . . . . . 800
Various table furniture . . . . . . . . .10,000
1 deal table . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3,000
8 stools . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4,000
2 miller guns, loaded . . . . . . . . . . 3,000
He ceased. There was a pale and awful silence. Not a limb stirred. Not a nostril
betrayed the passage
of breath.
"Is that all?" I asked, in a voice of the most perfect calmness.
"All, fair sir, save that certain matters of light moment are placed together
under a head hight sundries. If it would like you, I will sepa --"
"It is of no consequence," I said, accompanying the words with a gesture
of the most utter indifference; "give me the grand total, please."
The clerk leaned against the tree to stay himself, and said:
"Thirty-nine thousand one hundred and fifty milrays!"
The wheelwright fell off his stool, the others grabbed the table to save
themselves, and there was a deep and general ejaculation of:
"God be with us in the day of disaster!"
The clerk hastened to say:
"My father chargeth me to say he cannot honorably require you to pay it all
at this time, and therefore only prayeth you --"
I paid no more heed than if it were the idle breeze, but, with an air of
indifference amounting almost to weariness, got out my money and tossed four
dollars on to the table. Ah, you should have seen them stare!
The clerk was astonished and charmed. He asked me to retain one of the dollars
as security, until he could go to town and -- I interrupted:
"What, and fetch back nine cents? Nonsense! Take the whole. Keep the change."
There was an amazed murmur to this effect:
"Verily this being is MADE of money! He throweth it away even as if it were
dirt."
The blacksmith was a crushed man.
The clerk took his money and reeled away drunk with fortune. I said to Marco
and his wife:
"Good folk, here is a little trifle for you" -- handing the miller-guns as
if it were a matter of no consequence, though each of them contained fifteen
cents in solid cash; and while the poor creatures went to pieces with astonishment
and gratitude, I turned to the others and said as calmly as one would ask
the time of day:
"Well, if we are all ready, I judge the dinner is. Come, fall to."
Ah, well, it was immense; yes, it was a daisy. I don't know that I ever put
a situation together better, or got happier spectacular effects out of the
materials available. The blacksmith -- well, he was simply mashed. Land! I
wouldn't have felt what that man was feeling, for anything in the world. Here
he had been blowing and bragging about his grand meat-feast twice a year, and
his fresh meat twice a month, and his salt meat twice a week, and his white
bread every Sunday the year round -- all for a family of three; the entire
cost for the year not above 69.2.6 (sixty-nine cents, two mills and six milrays),
and all of a sudden here comes along a man who slashes out nearly four dollars
on a single blow-out; and not only that, but acts as if it made him tired to
handle such small sums. Yes, Dowley was a good deal wilted, and shrunk-up and
collapsed; he had the aspect of a bladder-balloon that's been stepped on by
a cow. |