BY and by, when we got up, we
turned over the truck the gang
had stole off of the wreck, and
found boots, and blankets, and
clothes, and all sorts of other
things, and a lot of books, and
a spyglass, and three boxes of
seegars. We hadn't ever been
this rich before in neither of
our lives. The seegars was prime.
We laid off all the afternoon
in the woods talking, and me
reading the books, and having
a general good time. I told Jim
all about what happened inside
the wreck and at the ferryboat,
and I said these kinds of things
was adventures; but he said he
didn't want no more adventures.
He said that when I went in the
texas and he crawled back to
get on the raft and found her
gone he nearly died, because
he judged it was all up with
HIM anyway it could be fixed;
for if he didn't get saved he
would get drownded; and if he
did get saved, whoever saved
him would send him back home
so as to get the reward, and
then Miss Watson would sell him
South, sure. Well, he was right;
he was most always right; he
had an uncommon level head for
a nigger.
I read considerable to Jim
about kings and dukes and earls
and such, and how gaudy they
dressed, and how much style they
put on, and called each other
your majesty, and your grace,
and your lordship, and so on,
'stead of mister; and Jim's eyes
bugged out, and he was interested.
He says:
"I didn' know
dey was so many un um. I hain't
hearn 'bout none
un um, skasely, but ole King
Sollermun, onless you counts
dem kings dat's in a pack er
k'yards. How much do a king git?"
"Get?" I says; "why,
they get a thousand dollars
a month if
they want it; they can have just
as much as they want; everything
belongs to them."
"AIN' dat gay?
En what dey got to do, Huck?"
"THEY don't
do nothing! Why, how you talk!
They just set around."
"No; is dat
so?"
"Of course
it is. They just set around
-- except, maybe,
when there's a war; then they
go to the war. But other times
they just lazy around; or go
hawking -- just hawking and sp
-- Sh! -- d' you hear a noise?"
We skipped out and looked;
but it warn't nothing but the
flutter of a steamboat's wheel
away down, coming around the
point; so we come back.
"Yes," says I, "and
other times, when things is
dull, they fuss
with the parlyment; and if everybody
don't go just so he whacks their
heads off. But mostly they hang
round the harem."
"Roun' de which?"
"Harem."
"What's de
harem?"
"The place
where he keeps his wives. Don't
you know about the
harem? Solomon had one; he had
about a million wives."
"Why, yes,
dat's so; I -- I'd done forgot
it. A harem's a bo'd'n-house,
I reck'n. Mos' likely dey has
rackety times in de nussery.
En I reck'n de wives quarrels
considable; en dat 'crease de
racket. Yit dey say Sollermun
de wises' man dat ever live'.
I doan' take no stock in dat.
Bekase why: would a wise man
want to live in de mids' er sich
a blim-blammin' all de time?
No -- 'deed he wouldn't. A wise
man 'ud take en buil' a biler-factry;
en den he could shet DOWN de
biler-factry when he want to
res'."
"Well, but
he WAS the wisest man, anyway;
because the widow
she told me so, her own self."
"I doan k'yer
what de widder say, he WARN'T
no wise man nuther.
He had some er de dad-fetchedes'
ways I ever see. Does you know
'bout dat chile dat he 'uz gwyne
to chop in two?"
"Yes, the widow
told me all about it."
"WELL, den!
Warn' dat de beatenes' notion
in de worl'? You jes'
take en look at it a minute.
Dah's de stump, dah -- dat's
one er de women; heah's you --
dat's de yuther one; I's Sollermun;
en dish yer dollar bill's de
chile. Bofe un you claims it.
What does I do? Does I shin aroun'
mongs' de neighbors en fine out
which un you de bill DO b'long
to, en han' it over to de right
one, all safe en soun', de way
dat anybody dat had any gumption
would? No; I take en whack de
bill in TWO, en give half un
it to you, en de yuther half
to de yuther woman. Dat's de
way Sollermun was gwyne to do
wid de chile. Now I want to ast
you: what's de use er dat half
a bill? -- can't buy noth'n wid
it. En what use is a half a chile?
I wouldn' give a dern for a million
un um."
"But hang it,
Jim, you've clean missed the
point -- blame it,
you've missed it a thousand mile."
"Who? Me? Go
'long. Doan' talk to me 'bout
yo' pints. I reck'n
I knows sense when I sees it;
en dey ain' no sense in sich
doin's as dat. De 'spute warn't
'bout a half a chile, de 'spute
was 'bout a whole chile; en de
man dat think he kin settle a
'spute 'bout a whole chile wid
a half a chile doan' know enough
to come in out'n de rain. Doan'
talk to me 'bout Sollermun, Huck,
I knows him by de back."
"But I tell
you you don't get the point."
"Blame de point!
I reck'n I knows what I knows.
En mine you,
de REAL pint is down furder --
it's down deeper. It lays in
de way Sollermun was raised.
You take a man dat's got on'y
one or two chillen; is dat man
gwyne to be waseful o' chillen?
No, he ain't; he can't 'ford
it. HE know how to value 'em.
But you take a man dat's got
'bout five million chillen runnin'
roun' de house, en it's diffunt.
HE as soon chop a chile in two
as a cat. Dey's plenty mo'. A
chile er two, mo' er less, warn't
no consekens to Sollermun, dad
fatch him!"
I never see such a nigger.
If he got a notion in his head
once, there warn't no getting
it out again. He was the most
down on Solomon of any nigger
I ever see. So I went to talking
about other kings, and let Solomon
slide. I told about Louis Sixteenth
that got his head cut off in
France long time ago; and about
his little boy the dolphin, that
would a been a king, but they
took and shut him up in jail,
and some say he died there.
"Po' little
chap."
"But some says
he got out and got away, and
come to America."
"Dat's good!
But he'll be pooty lonesome
-- dey ain' no kings
here, is dey, Huck?"
"No."
"Den he cain't
git no situation. What he gwyne
to do?"
"Well, I don't
know. Some of them gets on
the police, and
some of them learns people how
to talk French."
"Why, Huck,
doan' de French people talk
de same way we does?"
"NO, Jim; you
couldn't understand a word
they said -- not a single
word."
"Well, now,
I be ding-busted! How do dat
come?"
"I don't know;
but it's so. I got some of
their jabber out
of a book. S'pose a man was to
come to you and say Polly-voo-franzy
-- what would you think?"
"I wouldn'
think nuff'n; I'd take en bust
him over de head
-- dat is, if he warn't white.
I wouldn't 'low no nigger to
call me dat."
"Shucks, it
ain't calling you anything.
It's only saying, do
you know how to talk French?"
"Well, den,
why couldn't he SAY it?"
"Why, he IS
a-saying it. That's a Frenchman's
WAY of saying it."
"Well, it's
a blame ridicklous way, en
I doan' want to hear
no mo' 'bout it. Dey ain' no
sense in it."
"Looky here,
Jim; does a cat talk like we
do?"
"No, a cat
don't."
"Well, does
a cow?"
"No, a cow
don't, nuther."
"Does a cat
talk like a cow, or a cow talk
like a cat?"
"No, dey don't."
"It's natural
and right for 'em to talk different
from each
other, ain't it?"
"Course."
"And ain't
it natural and right for a
cat and a cow to talk different
from US?"
"Why, mos'
sholy it is."
"Well, then,
why ain't it natural and right
for a FRENCHMAN to
talk different from us? You answer
me that."
"Is a cat a
man, Huck?"
"No."
"Well, den,
dey ain't no sense in a cat
talkin' like a man.
Is a cow a man? -- er is a cow
a cat?"
"No, she ain't
either of them."
"Well, den,
she ain't got no business to
talk like either
one er the yuther of 'em. Is
a Frenchman a man?"
"Yes."
"WELL, den!
Dad blame it, why doan' he
TALK like a man? You
answer me DAT!"
I see it warn't no use wasting
words -- you can't learn a nigger
to argue. So I quit. |