The
two Testaments are interesting,
each in its own way. The Old
one gives us a picture of these
people's Deity as he was before
he got religion, the other
one gives us a picture of him
as he appeared afterward. The
Old Testament is interested
mainly in blood and sensuality.
The New one in Salvation. Salvation
by fire.
The
first time the Deity came down
to earth, he brought life and
death; when he came the second
time, he brought hell.
Life
was not a valuable gift, but
death was. Life was a fever-dream
made up of joys embittered
by sorrows, pleasure poisoned
by pain, a dream that was a
nightmare-confusion of spasmodic
and fleeting delights, ecstasies,
exultations, happinesses, interspersed
with long-drawn miseries, griefs,
perils, horrors, disappointments,
defeats, humiliations, and
despairs -- the heaviest curse
devisable by divine ingenuity;
but death was sweet, death
was gentle, death was kind;
death healed the bruised spirit
and the broken heart, and gave
them rest and forgetfulness;
death was man's best friend;
when man could endure life
no longer, death came and set
him free.
In
time, the Deity perceived that
death was a mistake; a mistake,
in that it was insufficient;
insufficient, for the reason
that while it was an admirable
agent for the inflicting of
misery upon the survivor, it
allowed the dead person himself
to escape from all further
persecution in the blessed
refuge of the grave. This was
not satisfactory. A way must
be conceived to pursue the
dead beyond the tomb.
The
Deity pondered this matter
during four thousand years
unsuccessfully, but as soon
as he came down to earth and
became a Christian his mind
cleared and he knew what to
do. He invented hell, and proclaimed
it.
Now
here is a curious thing. It
is believed by everybody that
while he was in heaven he was
stern, hard, resentful, jealous,
and cruel; but that when he
came down to earth and assumed
the name Jesus Christ, he became
the opposite of what he was
before: that is to say, he
became sweet, and gentle, merciful,
forgiving, and all harshness
disappeared from his nature
and a deep and yearning love
for his poor human children
took its place. Whereas it
was as Jesus Christ that he
devised hell and proclaimed
it!
Which
is to say, that as the meek
and gentle Savior he was a
thousand billion times crueler
than ever he was in the Old
Testament -- oh, incomparably
more atrocious than ever he
was when he was at the very
worst in those old days!
Meek
and gentle? By and by we will
examine this popular sarcasm
by the light of the hell which
he invented.
While
it is true that the palm for
malignity must be granted to
Jesus, the inventor of hell,
he was hard and ungentle enough
for all godlike purposes even
before he became a Christian.
It does not appear that he
ever stopped to reflect that he was
to blame when a man went wrong,
inasmuch as the man was merely
acting in accordance with the
disposition he had afflicted
him with. No, he punished the
man, instead of punishing himself.
Moreover, the punishment usually
oversized the offense. Often,
too, it fell, not upon the
doer of a misdeed, but upon
somebody else -- a chief man,
the head of a community, for
instance.
And
Israel abode in Shittim,
and the people began to commit
whoredom with the daughters
of Moab.
And
the Lord said unto Moses,
Take all the heads of the
people, and hang them up
before the Lord against the
Sun, that the fierce anger
of the Lord may be turned
away from Israel.
Does
that look fair to you? It does
not appear that the "heads
of the people" got any of the
adultery, yet it is they that
are hanged, instead of "the
people."
If
it was fair and right in that
day it would be fair and right
today, for the pulpit maintains
that God's justice is eternal
and unchangeable; also that
he is the Fountain of Morals,
and that his morals are eternal
and unchangeable. Very well,
then, we must believe that
if the people of New York should
begin to commit whoredom with
the daughters of New Jersey,
it would be fair and right
to set up a gallows in front
of the city hall and hang the
mayor and the sheriff and the
judges and the archbishop on
it, although they did not get
any of it. It does not look
right to me.
Moreover,
you may be quite sure of one
thing: it couldn't happen.
These people would not allow
it. They are better than their
Bible. Nothing would
happen here, except some lawsuits,
for damages, if the incident
couldn't be hushed up; and
even down South they would
not proceed against persons
who did not get any of it;
they would get a rope and hunt
for the correspondents, and
if they couldn't find them
they would lynch a nigger.
Things
have greatly improved since
the Almighty's time, let the
pulpit say what it may.
Will
you examine the Deity's morals
and disposition and conduct
a little further? And will
you remember that in the Sunday
school the little children
are urged to love the Almighty,
and honor him, and praise him,
and make him their model and
try to be as like him as they
can? Read:
1
And the Lord spake unto Moses,
saying,
2 Avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites: afterward shalt thou
be gathered unto thy people....
7 And they warred against the Midianites, as the Lord commanded Moses;
and they slew all the males.
8 And they slew the kings of Midian, beside the rest of them that were
slain; namely, Evi, and Rekem, and Zur, and Hur, and Reba, five
kings of Midian: Balaam also the son of Beor they slew with the sword.
9 And the children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives,
and their little ones, and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all
their flocks, and all their goods.
10 And they burnt all their cities wherein they dwelt, and all their goodly
castles, with fire.
11 And they took all the spoil, and all the prey, both of men and
of beasts.
12 And they brought the captives, and the prey, and the spoil unto Moses,
and Eleazar the priest, and unto the congregation of the children of Israel,
unto the camp at the plains of Moab, which are by Jordan near Jericho.
13 And Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and all the princes of the congregation,
went forth to meet them without the camp.
14 And Moses was wroth with the officers of the host, with the captains
over thousands, and captains over hundreds, which came from the battle.
15 And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive?
16 Behold, these caused the children of Israel, through the counsel of
Balaam, to commit trespass against the Lord in the matter of Peor, and
there was a plague among the congregation of the Lord.
17 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every
woman that hath known man by lying with him.
18 But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with
him, keep alive for yourselves.
19 And do ye abide without the camp seven days: whosoever hath killed any
person, and whosoever hath touched any slain, purify both yourselves
and your captives on the third day, and on the seventh day.
20 And purify all your raiment, and all that is made of skins, and
all work of goats' hair, and all things made of wood.
21 And Eleazar the priest said unto the men of war which went to the battle,
This is the ordinance of the law which the Lord commanded Moses....
25 And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,
26 Take the sum of the prey that was taken, both of man and of beast, thou,
and Eleazar the priest, and the chief fathers of the congregation:
27 And divide the prey into two parts; between them that took the war upon
them, who went out to battle, and between all the congregation:
28 And levy a tribute unto the Lord of the men of war which went out to
battle....
31 And Moses and Eleazar the priest did as the Lord commanded Moses.
32 And the booty, being the rest of the prey which the men of war
had caught, was six hundred thousand and seventy thousand and five thousand
sheep,
33 And threescore and twelve thousand beeves,
34 And threescore and one thousand asses,
35 And thirty and two thousand persons in all, of woman that had not known
man by lying with him....
40 And the persons were sixteen thousand; of which the Lord's tribute was thirty
and two persons.
41 And Moses gave the tribute, which was the Lord's heave offering,
unto Eleazar the priest, as the Lord commanded Moses....
47 Even of the children of Israel's half, Moses took one portion of fifty, both of
man and of beast, and gave them unto the Levites, which kept the charge
of the tabernacle of the Lord; as the Lord commanded Moses.
10
When thou comest nigh unto
a city to fight against it,
then proclaim peace unto
it....
13 And when the Lord thy God hath delivered it into thine hands, thou shalt
smite every male thereof with the edge of the sword:
14 But the women, and the little ones, and the cattle, and all that is
in the city, even all the spoil thereof, shalt thou take unto thyself;
and thou shalt eat the spoil of thine enemies, which the Lord thy God hath
given thee.
15 Thus shalt thou do unto all the cities which are very far off
from thee, which are not of the cities of these nations.
16 But of the cities of these people, which the Lord thy God doth give
thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth:
The
Biblical law says: "Thou shalt
not kill."
The
law of God, planted in the
heart of man at his birth,
says: "Thou shalt kill."
The
chapter I have quoted shows
you that the book-statute is
once more a failure. It cannot
set aside the more powerful
law of nature.
According
to the belief of these people,
it was God himself who said: "Thou
shalt not kill."
Then
it is plain that he cannot
keep his own commandments.
He
killed all those people --
every male.
They
had offended the Deity in some
way. We know what the offense
was, without looking; that
is to say, we know it was a
trifle; some small thing that
no one but a god would attach
any importance to. It is more
than likely that a Midianite
had been duplicating the conduct
of one Onan, who was commanded
to "go into his brother's wife" --
which he did; but instead of
finishing, "he spilled it on
the ground." The Lord slew
Onan for that, for the lord
could never abide indelicacy.
The Lord slew Onan, and to
this day the Christian world
cannot understand why he stopped
with Onan, instead of slaying
all the inhabitants for three
hundred miles around -- they
being innocent of offense,
and therefore the very ones
he would usually slay. For
that had always been his idea
of fair dealing. If he had
had a motto, it would have
read, "Let no innocent person
escape." You remember what
he did in the time of the flood.
There were multitudes and multitudes
of tiny little children, and
he knew they had never done
him any harm; but their relations
had, and that was enough for
him: he saw the waters rise
toward their screaming lips,
he saw the wild terror in their
eyes, he saw that agony of
appeal in the mothers' faces
which would have touched any
heart but his, but he was after
the guiltless particularly,
than he drowned those poor
little chaps.
And
you will remember that in the
case of Adam's posterity all the
billions are innocent -- none
of them had a share in his
offense, but the Deity holds
them guilty to this day. None
gets off, except by acknowledging
that guilt -- no cheaper lie
will answer.
Some
Midianite must have repeated
Onan's act, and brought that
dire disaster upon his nation.
If that was not the indelicacy
that outraged the feelings
of the Deity, then I know what
it was: some Midianite had
been pissing against the wall.
I am sure of it, for that was
an impropriety which the Source
of all Etiquette never could
stand. A person could piss
against a tree, he could piss
on his mother, he could piss
on his own breeches, and get
off, but he must not piss against
the wall -- that would be going
quite too far. The origin of
the divine prejudice against
this humble crime is not stated;
but we know that the prejudice
was very strong -- so strong
that nothing but a wholesale
massacre of the people inhabiting
the region where the wall was
defiled could satisfy the Deity.
Take
the case of Jeroboam. "I will
cut off from Jeroboam him that
pisseth against the wall." It
was done. And not only was
the man that did it cut off,
but everybody else.
The
same with the house of Baasha:
everybody was exterminated,
kinsfolks, friends, and all,
leaving "not one that pisseth
against a wall."
In
the case of Jeroboam you have
a striking instance of the
Deity's custom of not limiting
his punishments to the guilty;
the innocent are included.
Even the "remnant" of that
unhappy house was removed,
even "as a man taketh away
dung, till it be all gone." That
includes the women, the young
maids, and the little girls.
All innocent, for they couldn't
piss against a wall. Nobody
of that sex can. None but members
of the other sex can achieve
that feat.
A
curious prejudice. And it still
exists. Protestant parents
still keep the Bible handy
in the house, so that the children
can study it, and one of the
first things the little boys
and girls learn is to be righteous
and holy and not piss against
the wall. They study those
passages more than they study
any others, except those which
incite to masturbation. Those
they hunt out and study in
private. No Protestant child
exists who does not masturbate.
That art is the earliest accomplishment
his religion confers upon him.
Also the earliest her religion
confers upon her.
The
Bible has this advantage over
all other books that teach
refinement and good manners:
that it goes to the child.
It goes to the mind at its
most impressible and receptive
age -- the others have to wait.
"Thou
shalt have a paddle upon
thy weapon; and it shall
be, when thou wilt ease thyself
abroad, thou shalt dig therewith,
and shalt turn back and cover
that which cometh from thee."
That
rule was made in the old days
because "The Lord thy God walketh
in the midst of thy camp."
It
is probably not worthwhile
to try to find out, for certain,
why the Midianites were exterminated.
We can only be sure that it
was for no large offense; for
the cases of Adam, and the
Flood, and the defilers of
the wall teach us that much.
A Midianite may have left his
paddle at home and thus brought
on the trouble. However, it
is no matter. The main thing
is the trouble itself, and
the morals of one kind and
another that it offers for
the instruction and elevation
of the Christian of today.
God
wrote upon the tables of stone: "Thou
shalt not kill," Also: "Thou
shalt not commit adultery."
Paul,
speaking by the divine voice,
advised against sexual intercourse altogether.
A great change from the divine
view as it existed at the time
of the Midianite incident. |