There was a table set out under
a tree in front of the house,
and the March Hare and the Hatter
were having tea at it: a Dormouse
was sitting between them, fast
asleep, and the other two were
using it as a cushion, resting
their elbows on it, and the talking
over its head. `Very uncomfortable
for the Dormouse,' thought Alice;
`only, as it's asleep, I suppose
it doesn't mind.'
The table was a large one,
but the three were all crowded
together at one corner of it:
`No room! No room!' they cried
out when they saw Alice coming.
`There's PLENTY of room!' said
Alice indignantly, and she sat
down in a large arm-chair at
one end of the table.
`Have some wine,' the March
Hare said in an encouraging tone.
Alice looked all round the
table, but there was nothing
on it but tea. `I don't see any
wine,' she remarked.
`There isn't any,' said the
March Hare.
`Then it wasn't very civil
of you to offer it,' said Alice
angrily.
`It wasn't very civil of you
to sit down without being invited,'
said the March Hare.
`I didn't know it was YOUR
table,' said Alice; `it's laid
for a great many more than three.'
`Your hair wants cutting,'
said the Hatter. He had been
looking at Alice for some time
with great curiosity, and this
was his first speech.
`You should learn not to make
personal remarks,' Alice said
with some severity; `it's very
rude.'
The Hatter opened his eyes
very wide on hearing this; but
all he SAID was, `Why is a raven
like a writing-desk?'
`Come, we shall have some fun
now!' thought Alice. `I'm glad
they've begun asking riddles.--I
believe I can guess that,' she
added aloud.
`Do you mean that you think
you can find out the answer to
it?' said the March Hare.
`Exactly so,' said Alice.
`Then you should say what you
mean,' the March Hare went on.
`I do,' Alice hastily replied;
`at least--at least I mean what
I say--that's the same thing,
you know.'
`Not the same
thing a bit!' said the Hatter.
`You might just
as well say that "I see what
I eat" is the same thing as "I
eat what I see"!'
`You might
just as well say,' added the
March Hare, `that "I
like what I get" is the same
thing as "I get what I like"!'
`You might
just as well say,' added the
Dormouse, who seemed
to be talking in his sleep, `that "I
breathe when I sleep" is the
same thing as "I sleep when I
breathe"!'
`It IS the same thing with
you,' said the Hatter, and here
the conversation dropped, and
the party sat silent for a minute,
while Alice thought over all
she could remember about ravens
and writing-desks, which wasn't
much.
The Hatter was the first to
break the silence. `What day
of the month is it?' he said,
turning to Alice: he had taken
his watch out of his pocket,
and was looking at it uneasily,
shaking it every now and then,
and holding it to his ear.
Alice considered a little,
and then said `The fourth.'
`Two days wrong!' sighed the
Hatter. `I told you butter wouldn't
suit the works!' he added looking
angrily at the March Hare.
`It was the BEST butter,' the
March Hare meekly replied.
`Yes, but some crumbs must
have got in as well,' the Hatter
grumbled: `you shouldn't have
put it in with the bread-knife.'
The March Hare took the watch
and looked at it gloomily: then
he dipped it into his cup of
tea, and looked at it again:
but he could think of nothing
better to say than his first
remark, `It was the BEST butter,
you know.'
Alice had been looking over
his shoulder with some curiosity.
`What a funny watch!' she remarked.
`It tells the day of the month,
and doesn't tell what o'clock
it is!'
`Why should it?' muttered the
Hatter. `Does YOUR watch tell
you what year it is?'
`Of course not,' Alice replied
very readily: `but that's because
it stays the same year for such
a long time together.'
`Which is just the case with
MINE,' said the Hatter.
Alice felt dreadfully puzzled.
The Hatter's remark seemed to
have no sort of meaning in it,
and yet it was certainly English.
`I don't quite understand you,'
she said, as politely as she
could.
`The Dormouse is asleep again,'
said the Hatter, and he poured
a little hot tea upon its nose.
The Dormouse shook its head
impatiently, and said, without
opening its eyes, `Of course,
of course; just what I was going
to remark myself.'
`Have you guessed the riddle
yet?' the Hatter said, turning
to Alice again.
`No, I give it up,' Alice replied:
`what's the answer?'
`I haven't the slightest idea,'
said the Hatter.
`Nor I,' said the March Hare.
Alice sighed wearily. `I think
you might do something better
with the time,' she said, `than
waste it in asking riddles that
have no answers.'
`If you knew Time as well as
I do,' said the Hatter, `you
wouldn't talk about wasting IT.
It's HIM.'
`I don't know what you mean,'
said Alice.
`Of course you don't!' the
Hatter said, tossing his head
contemptuously. `I dare say you
never even spoke to Time!'
`Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously
replied: `but I know I have to
beat time when I learn music.'
`Ah! that accounts for it,'
said the Hatter. `He won't stand
beating. Now, if you only kept
on good terms with him, he'd
do almost anything you liked
with the clock. For instance,
suppose it were nine o'clock
in the morning, just time to
begin lessons: you'd only have
to whisper a hint to Time, and
round goes the clock in a twinkling!
Half-past one, time for dinner!'
(`I only wish it was,' the
March Hare said to itself in
a whisper.)
`That would be grand, certainly,'
said Alice thoughtfully: `but
then--I shouldn't be hungry for
it, you know.'
`Not at first, perhaps,' said
the Hatter: `but you could keep
it to half-past one as long as
you liked.'
`Is that the way YOU manage?'
Alice asked.
The Hatter shook his head mournfully.
`Not I!' he replied. `We quarrelled
last March--just before HE went
mad, you know--' (pointing with
his tea spoon at the March Hare,)
`--it was at the great concert
given by the Queen of Hearts,
and I had to sing
"Twinkle, twinkle,
little bat! How I wonder what
you're at!"
You know the song, perhaps?'
`I've heard something like
it,' said Alice.
`It goes on, you know,' the
Hatter continued, `in this way:--
"Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky. Twinkle,
twinkle--"'
Here the Dormouse shook itself,
and began singing in its sleep
`Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--'
and went on so long that they
had to pinch it to make it stop.
`Well, I'd
hardly finished the first verse,'
said the Hatter,
`when the Queen jumped up and
bawled out, "He's murdering the
time! Off with his head!"'
`How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed
Alice.
`And ever since that,' the
Hatter went on in a mournful
tone, `he won't do a thing I
ask! It's always six o'clock
now.'
A bright idea came into Alice's
head. `Is that the reason so
many tea-things are put out here?'
she asked.
`Yes, that's it,' said the
Hatter with a sigh: `it's always
tea-time, and we've no time to
wash the things between whiles.'
`Then you keep moving round,
I suppose?' said Alice.
`Exactly so,' said the Hatter:
`as the things get used up.'
`But what happens when you
come to the beginning again?'
Alice ventured to ask.
`Suppose we change the subject,'
the March Hare interrupted, yawning.
`I'm getting tired of this. I
vote the young lady tells us
a story.'
`I'm afraid I don't know one,'
said Alice, rather alarmed at
the proposal.
`Then the Dormouse shall!'
they both cried. `Wake up, Dormouse!'
And they pinched it on both sides
at once.
The Dormouse slowly opened
his eyes. `I wasn't asleep,'
he said in a hoarse, feeble voice:
`I heard every word you fellows
were saying.'
`Tell us a story!' said the
March Hare.
`Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice.
`And be quick about it,' added
the Hatter, `or you'll be asleep
again before it's done.'
`Once upon a time there were
three little sisters,' the Dormouse
began in a great hurry; `and
their names were Elsie, Lacie,
and Tillie; and they lived at
the bottom of a well--'
`What did they live on?' said
Alice, who always took a great
interest in questions of eating
and drinking.
`They lived on treacle,' said
the Dormouse, after thinking
a minute or two.
`They couldn't have done that,
you know,' Alice gently remarked;
`they'd have been ill.'
`So they were,' said the Dormouse;
`VERY ill.'
Alice tried to fancy to herself
what such an extraordinary ways
of living would be like, but
it puzzled her too much, so she
went on: `But why did they live
at the bottom of a well?'
`Take some more tea,' the March
Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
`I've had nothing yet,' Alice
replied in an offended tone,
`so I can't take more.'
`You mean you can't take LESS,'
said the Hatter: `it's very easy
to take MORE than nothing.'
`Nobody asked YOUR opinion,'
said Alice.
`Who's making personal remarks
now?' the Hatter asked triumphantly.
Alice did not quite know what
to say to this: so she helped
herself to some tea and bread-and-butter,
and then turned to the Dormouse,
and repeated her question. `Why
did they live at the bottom of
a well?'
The Dormouse again took a minute
or two to think about it, and
then said, `It was a treacle-well.'
`There's no such thing!' Alice
was beginning very angrily, but
the Hatter and the March Hare
went `Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse
sulkily remarked, `If you can't
be civil, you'd better finish
the story for yourself.'
`No, please go on!' Alice said
very humbly; `I won't interrupt
again. I dare say there may be
ONE.'
`One, indeed!' said the Dormouse
indignantly. However, he consented
to go on. `And so these three
little sisters--they were learning
to draw, you know--'
`What did they draw?' said
Alice, quite forgetting her promise.
`Treacle,' said the Dormouse,
without considering at all this
time.
`I want a clean cup,' interrupted
the Hatter: `let's all move one
place on.'
He moved on as he spoke, and
the Dormouse followed him: the
March Hare moved into the Dormouse's
place, and Alice rather unwillingly
took the place of the March Hare.
The Hatter was the only one who
got any advantage from the change:
and Alice was a good deal worse
off than before, as the March
Hare had just upset the milk-jug
into his plate.
Alice did not wish to offend
the Dormouse again, so she began
very cautiously: `But I don't
understand. Where did they draw
the treacle from?'
`You can draw water out of
a water-well,' said the Hatter;
`so I should think you could
draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh,
stupid?'
`But they were IN the well,'
Alice said to the Dormouse, not
choosing to notice this last
remark.
`Of course they were', said
the Dormouse; `--well in.'
This answer so confused poor
Alice, that she let the Dormouse
go on for some time without interrupting
it.
`They were learning to draw,'
the Dormouse went on, yawning
and rubbing its eyes, for it
was getting very sleepy; `and
they drew all manner of things--everything
that begins with an M--'
`Why with an M?' said Alice.
`Why not?' said the March Hare.
Alice was silent.
The Dormouse
had closed its eyes by this
time, and was going
off into a doze; but, on being
pinched by the Hatter, it woke
up again with a little shriek,
and went on: `--that begins with
an M, such as mouse-traps, and
the moon, and memory, and muchness--
you know you say things are "much
of a muchness"--did you ever
see such a thing as a drawing
of a muchness?'
`Really, now you ask me,' said
Alice, very much confused, `I
don't think--'
`Then you shouldn't talk,'
said the Hatter.
This piece of rudeness was
more than Alice could bear: she
got up in great disgust, and
walked off; the Dormouse fell
asleep instantly, and neither
of the others took the least
notice of her going, though she
looked back once or twice, half
hoping that they would call after
her: the last time she saw them,
they were trying to put the Dormouse
into the teapot.
`At any rate I'll never go
THERE again!' said Alice as she
picked her way through the wood.
`It's the stupidest tea-party
I ever was at in all my life!'
Just as she said this, she
noticed that one of the trees
had a door leading right into
it. `That's very curious!' she
thought. `But everything's curious
today. I think I may as well
go in at once.' And in she went.
Once more she found herself
in the long hall, and close to
the little glass table. `Now,
I'll manage better this time,'
she said to herself, and began
by taking the little golden key,
and unlocking the door that led
into the garden. Then she went
to work nibbling at the mushroom
(she had kept a piece of it in
her pocked) till she was about
a foot high: then she walked
down the little passage: and
THEN--she found herself at last
in the beautiful garden, among
the bright flower-beds and the
cool fountains.
|