However, the egg only got larger
and larger, and more and more
human: when she had come within
a few yards of it, she saw that
it had eyes and a nose and mouth;
and when she had come close to
it, she saw clearly that it was
HUMPTY DUMPTY himself. `It can't
be anybody else!' she said to
herself. `I'm as certain of it,
as if his name were written all
over his face.'
It might have been written
a hundred times, easily, on that
enormous face. Humpty Dumpty
was sitting with his legs crossed,
like a Turk, on the top of a
high wall -- such a narrow one
that Alice quite wondered how
he could keep his balance --
and, as his eyes were steadily
fixed in the opposite direction,
and he didn't take the least
notice of her, she thought he
must be a stuffed figure after
all.
`And how exactly like an egg
he is!' she said aloud, standing
with her hands ready to catch
him, for she was every moment
expecting him to fall.
`It's very provoking,'
Humpty Dumpty said after a long
silence, looking away from Alice
as he spoke, `to be called an
egg -- very!'
`I said you looked like
an egg, Sir,' Alice gently explained.
`And some eggs are very pretty,
you know, she added, hoping to
turn her remark into a sort of
a compliment.
`Some people,' said Humpty
Dumpty, looking away from her
as usual, `have no more sense
than a baby!'
Alice didn't know what to say
to this: it wasn't at all like
conversation, she thought, as
he never said anything to her;
in fact, his last remark was
evidently addressed to a tree
-- so she stood and softly repeated
to herself: --
`Humpty Dumpty sat on
a wall:
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again.'
`That last line is much too long
for the poetry,' she added, almost
out loud, forgetting that Humpty
Dumpty would hear her.
`Don't stand there chattering
to yourself like that,' Humpty
Dumpty said, looking at her for
the first time,' but tell me
your name and your business.'
`My name is Alice, but
-- '
`It's a stupid name enough!'
Humpty Dumpty interrupted impatiently.
`What does it mean?'
`must a name mean something?'
Alice asked doubtfully.
`Of course it must,' Humpty
Dumpty said with a sort laugh:
`my name means the shape
I am -- and a good handsome shape
it is, too. With a name like
your, you might be any shape,
almost.'
`Why do you sit out here all
alone?' said Alice, not wishing
to begin an argument.
`Why, because there's nobody
with me!' cried Humpty Dumpty.
`Did you think I didn't know
the answer to that? Ask
another.'
`Don't you think you'd be safer
down on the ground?' Alice went
on, not with any idea of making
another riddle, but simply in
her good-natured anxiety for
the queer creature. `That wall
is so very narrow!'
`What tremendously easy riddles
you ask!' Humpty Dumpty growled
out. `Of course I don't think
so! Why, if ever I did fall
off - - which there's no chance
of -- but if I did --
' Here he pursed his lips and
looked so solemn and grand that
Alice could hardly help laughing.
`If I did fall,' he went
on, `The King has promised
me -- ah, you may turn pale,
if you like! You didn't think
I was going to say that, did
you? The King has promised
me -- with his very own mouth --
to -- to -- '
`To send all his horses and
all his men,' Alice interrupted,
rather unwisely.
`Now I declare that's too bad!'
Humpty Dumpty cried, breaking
into a sudden passion. `You've
been listening at doors -- and
behind trees -- and sown chimneys
-- or you couldn't have known
it!'
`I haven't, indeed!' Alice
said very gently. `It's in a
book.'
`Ah, well! They may write such
things in a book,' Humpty
Dumpty said in a calmer tone.
`That's what you call a History
of England, that is. Now, take
a good look at me! I'm one that
has spoken to a King, I am:
mayhap you'll never see such
another: and to show you I'm
not proud, you may shake hands
with me!' And he grinned almost
from ear to ear, as he leant
forwards (and as nearly as possible
fell of the wall in doing so)
and offered Alice his hand. She
watched him a little anxiously
as she took it. `If he smiled
much more, the ends of his mouth
might meet behind,' she thought:
`and then I don't know what would
happen to his head! I'm afraid
it would come off!'
`Yes, all his horses and all
his men,' Humpty Dumpty went
on. `They'd pick me up again
in a minute, they would!
However, this conversation is
going on a little too fast: let's
go back to the last remark but
one.'
`I'm afraid I can't quite remember
it,' Alice said very politely.
`In that case we start fresh,'
said Humpty Dumpty, `and it's
my turn to choose a subject --
' (`He talks about it just as
if it was a game!' thought Alice.)
`So here's a question for you.
How old did you say you were?'
Alice made a short calculation,
and said `Seven years and six
months.'
`Wrong!' Humpty Dumpty exclaimed
triumphantly. `You never said
a word like it!'
`I though you meant "How old are you?"'
Alice explained.
`If I'd meant that, I'd have
said it,' said Humpty Dumpty.
Alice didn't want to begin
another argument, so she said
nothing.
`Seven years and six months!'
Humpty Dumpty repeated thoughtfully.
`An uncomfortable sort of age.
Now if you'd asked my advice,
I'd have said "Leave off at seven" --
but it's too late now.'
`I never ask advice about growing,'
Alice said Indignantly.
`Too proud?' the other inquired.
Alice felt even more indignant
at this suggestion. `I mean,'
she said, `that one can't help
growing older.'
`One can't, perhaps,'
said Humpty Dumpty, `but two can.
With proper assistance, you might
have left off at seven.'
`What a beautiful belt you've
got on!' Alice suddenly remarked.
(They had had quite enough
of the subject of age, she thought:
and if they really were to take
turns in choosing subjects, it
was her turn now.) `At least,'
she corrected herself on second
thoughts, `a beautiful cravat,
I should have said -- no, a belt,
I mean -- I beg your pardon!'
she added in dismay, for Humpty
Dumpty looked thoroughly offended,
and she began to wish she hadn't
chosen that subject. `If I only
knew,' the thought to herself,
'which was neck and which was
waist!'
Evidently Humpty Dumpty was
very angry, though he said nothing
for a minute or two. When he did speak
again, it was in a deep growl.
`It is a -- most -- provoking --
thing,' he said at last, `when
a person doesn't know a cravat
from a belt!'
`I know it's very ignorant
of me,' Alice said, in so humble
a tone that Humpty Dumpty relented.
`It's a cravat, child, and
a beautiful one, as you say.
It's a present from the White
King and Queen. There now!'
`Is it really?' said Alice,
quite pleased to find that she had chosen
a good subject, after all.
`They gave it me,' Humpty Dumpty
continued thoughtfully, as he
crossed one knee over the other
and clasped his hands round it,
`they gave it me -- for an un-birthday
present.'
`I beg your pardon?' Alice
said with a puzzled air.
`I'm not offended,' said Humpty
Dumpty.
`I mean, what is and
un-birthday present?'
`A present given when it isn't
your birthday, of course.'
Alice considered a little.
`I like birthday presents best,'
she said at last.
`You don't know what you're
talking about!' cried Humpty
Dumpty. `How many days are there
in a year?'
`Three hundred and sixty-five,'
said Alice.
`And how many birthdays have
you?'
`One.'
`And if you take one from three
hundred and sixty-five, what
remains?'
`Three hundred and sixty-four,
of course.'
Humpty Dumpty looked doubtful.
`I'd rather see that done on
paper,' he said.
Alice couldn't help smiling
as she took out her memorandum-
book, and worked the sum for
him:
365
1
___
364
___
Humpty Dumpty took the book,
and looked at it carefully. `That
seems to be done right -- ' he
began.
`You're holding it upside down!'
Alice interrupted.
`To be sure I was!' Humpty
Dumpty said gaily, as she turned
it round for him. `I thought
it looked a little queer. As
I was saying, that seems to
be done right -- though I haven't
time to look it over thoroughly
just now -- and that shows that
there are three hundred and sixty-four
days when you might get un-birthday
presents -- '
`Certainly,' said Alice.
`And only one for
birthday presents, you know.
There's glory for you!'
`I don't know
what you mean by "glory,"'
Alice said.
Humpty Dumpty
smiled contemptuously. `Of
course you don't -- till
I tell you. I meant "there's
a nice knock-down argument for
you!"'
`But "glory" doesn't mean "a
nice knock-down argument,"' Alice
objected.
`When I use a word,'
Humpty Dumpty said in rather
a scornful tone, `it means just
what I choose it to mean -- neither
more nor less.'
`The question is,' said Alice,
`whether you can make
words mean so many different
things.'
`The question is,' said Humpty
Dumpty, `which is to be master
- - that's all.'
Alice was too much puzzled
to say anything, so after a minute
Humpty Dumpty began again. `They've
a temper, some of them -- particularly
verbs, they're the proudest --
adjectives you can do anything
with, but not verbs -- however, I can
manage the whole of them! Impenetrability!
That's what I say!'
`Would you tell me, please,'
said Alice `what that means?`
`Now you talk
like a reasonable child,' said
Humpty Dumpty, looking
very much pleased. `I meant by "impenetrability" that
we've had enough of that subject,
and it would be just as well
if you'd mention what you mean
to do next, as I suppose you
don't mean to stop here all the
rest of your life.'
`That's a great deal to make
one word mean,' Alice said in
a thoughtful tone.
`When I make a word do a lot
of work like that,' said Humpty
Dumpty, `I always pay it extra.'
`Oh!' said Alice. She was too
much puzzled to make any other
remark.
`Ah, you should see `em come
round me of a Saturday night,'
Humpty Dumpty went on, wagging
his head gravely from side to
side: `for to get their wages,
you know.'
(Alice didn't venture to ask
what he paid them with; and so
you see I can't tell you.)
`You seem very
clever at explaining words,
Sir,' said Alice. `Would
you kindly tell me the meaning
of the poem called "Jabberwocky"?'
`Let's hear it,' said Humpty
Dumpty. `I can explain all the
poems that were ever invented
-- and a good many that haven't
been invented just yet.'
This sounded very hopeful,
so Alice repeated the first verse:
`Twas brillig,
and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
`That's enough
to begin with,' Humpty Dumpty interrupted:
`there
are plenty of hard words there. "Brillig" means
four o'clock in the afternoon --
the time when you begin broiling things
for dinner.'
`That'll do very well,' said
Alice: and "slithy"?'
`Well, "slithy" means "lithe and slimy." "Lithe" is the same as "active." You
see it's like a portmanteau -- there are two meanings packed up into one
word.'
`I see it now,' Alice remarked
thoughtfully: `and what are "toves"?'
`Well, "toves" are something
like badgers -- they're something
like lizards -- and they're something
like corkscrews.'
`They must be very curious looking creatures.'
`They are that,' said Humpty Dumpty: `also they make their nests under sun-dials
-- also they live on cheese.'
`Andy what's the "gyre" and
to "gimble"?'
`To "gyre" is to go
round and round like a gyroscope.
To "gimble" is
to make holes like a gimblet.'
`And "the wabe" is the
grass-plot round a sun-dial,
I suppose?' said Alice, surprised
at her own ingenuity.
`Of course it is. It's called "wabe," you
know, because it goes a long
way before it, and a long way
behind it -- '
`And a long way beyond it on each side,' Alice added.
`Exactly so. Well, then, "mimsy" is "flimsy and miserable" (there's
another portmanteau for you). And a "borogove" is a thing shabby-looking
bird with its feathers sticking out all round -- something like a live mop.'
`And then "mome raths"?'
said Alice. `I'm afraid I'm giving
you a great deal of trouble.'
`Well, a "rath" is a
sort of green pig: but "mome" I'm not
certain about. I think it's short for "from home" -- meaning that they'd
lost their way, you know.'
`And what does "outgrabe" mean?'
`Well, "outgribing" is
something between bellowing and
whistling, with a kind of sneeze
in the middle: however, you'll
hear it done, maybe --
down in the wood yonder -- and when you've once heard it you'll be quite content.
Who's been repeating all that hard stuff to you?'
`I read it in a book,' said Alice. `But I had some poetry repeated to me,
much easier than that, by -- Tweedledee, I think it was.'
`As to poetry, you know,' said Humpty Dumpty, stretching out one of his great
hands, `I can repeat poetry as well as other folk, if it comes to that
-- '
`Oh, it needn't come to that!' Alice hastily said, hoping to keep him from
beginning.
`The piece I'm going to repeat,' he went on without noticing her remark,'
was written entirely for your amusement.'
Alice felt that in that case she really ought to listen to it, so
she sat down, and said `Thank you' rather sadly.
`In winter, when the fields are white,
I sing this song for your delight --
only I don't sing it,' he added, as an explanation.
`I see you don't,' said Alice.
`If you can see whether I'm singing or not, you're sharper eyes than
most.' Humpty Dumpty remarked severely. Alice was silent.
`In spring, when woods are getting green,
I'll try and tell you what I mean.'
`Thank you very much,' said Alice.
`In summer, when the days are long,
Perhaps you'll understand the song:
In autumn, when the leaves are brown,
Take pen and ink, and write it down.'
`I will, if I can remember it so long,' said Alice.
`You needn't go on making remarks like that,' Humpty Dumpty said: `they're
not sensible, and they put me out.'
`I sent a message to the fish:
I told them "This is what I wish."
The little fishes of the sea,
They sent an answer back to me.
The little fishes' answer was
"We cannot do it, Sir, because -- "'
`I'm afraid I don't quite understand,' said Alice.
`It gets easier further on,' Humpty Dumpty replied.
`I sent to them again to say
"It will be better to obey."
The fishes answered with a grin,
"Why, what a temper you are in!"
I told them once, I told them twice:
They would not listen to advice.
I took a kettle large and new,
Fit for the deed I had to do.
My heart went hop, my heart went thump;
I filled the kettle at the pump.
Then some one came to me and said,
"The little fishes are in bed."
I said to him, I said it plain,
"Then you must wake them up again."
I said it very loud and clear;
I went and shouted in his ear.'
Humpty Dumpty raised his voice almost to a scream as he repeated this verse,
and Alice thought with a shudder, `I
wouldn't have been the messenger for anything!'
`But he was very stiff and proud;
He said "You needn't shout so loud!"
And he was very proud and stiff;
He said "I'd go and wake them, if -- "
I took a corkscrew from the shelf:
I went to wake them up myself.
And when I found the door was locked,
I pulled and pushed and knocked.
And when I found the door was shut,
I tried to turn the handle, but -- '
There was a long pause.
`Is that all?' Alice timidly asked.
`That's all,' said Humpty Dumpty. Good-bye.'
This was rather sudden, Alice thought: but, after such a very strong
hint that she ought to be going, she felt that it would hardly be civil to
stay. So she got up, and held out her hand. `Good-bye, till we meet again!'
she said as cheerfully as she could.
`I shouldn't know you again if we did meet,' Humpty Dumpty replied
in a discontented tone, giving her one of his fingers to shake; `you're so
exactly like other people.'
`The face is what one goes by, generally,' Alice remarked in a thoughtful
tone.
`That`s just what I complain of,' said Humpty Dumpty. `Your face is that
same as everybody has -- the two eyes, so -- ' (marking their places in the
air with this thumb) `nose in the middle, mouth under. It's always the same.
Now if you had the two eyes on the same side of the nose, for instance -- or
the mouth at the top -- that would be some help.'
`It wouldn't look nice,' Alice objected. But Humpty Dumpty only shut his
eyes and said `Wait till you've tried.'
Alice waited a minute to see if he would speak again, but as he never opened
his eyes or took any further notice of her, she said `Good-bye!' once more,
and, getting no answer to this, she quietly walked away: but she couldn't help
saying to herself as she went, `Of all the unsatisfactory -- ' (she repeated
this aloud, as it was a great comfort have such a long word to say) `of all
the unsatisfactory people I ever met -- ' She never finished the sentence,
for at this moment a heavy crash shook the forest from end to end.
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