"Such was the
history of my beloved cottagers.
It impressed
me deeply. I learned, from the
views of social life which it
developed, to admire their virtues,
and to deprecate the vices of
mankind.
"As yet I looked
upon crime as a distant evil;
benevolence
and generosity were ever present
before me, inciting within me
a desire to become an actor in
the busy scene where so many
admirable qualities were called
forth and displayed. But, in
giving an account of the progress
of my intellect, I must not omit
a circumstance which occurred
in the beginning of the month
of August of the same year.
"One night,
during my accustomed visit
to the neighbouring wood,
where I collected my own food,
and brought home firing for my
protectors, I found on the ground
a leathern portmanteau, containing
several articles of dress and
some books. I eagerly seized
the prize, and returned with
it to my hovel. Fortunately the
books were written in the language
the elements of which I had acquired
at the cottage; they consisted
of _Paradise Lost_, a volume
of _Plutarch's Lives_, and the
_Sorrows of Werter_. The possession
of these treasures gave me extreme
delight; I now continually studied
and exercised my mind upon these
histories, whilst my friends
were employed in their ordinary
occupations.
"I can hardly
describe to you the effect
of these books. They
produced in me an infinity of
new images and feelings that
sometimes raised me to ecstasy,
but more frequently sunk me into
the lowest dejection. In the
_Sorrows of Werter_, besides
the interest of its simple and
affecting story, so many opinions
are canvassed, and so many lights
thrown upon what had hitherto
been to me obscure subjects,
that I found in it a never-ending
source of speculation and astonishment.
The gentle and domestic manners
it described, combined with lofty
sentiments and feelings, which
had for their object something
out of self, accorded well with
my experience among my protectors,
and with the wants which were
for ever alive in my own bosom.
But I thought Werter himself
a more divine being than I had
ever beheld or imagined; his
character contained no pretension,
but it sunk deep. The disquisitions
upon death and suicide were calculated
to fill me with wonder. I did
not pretend to enter into the
merits of the case, yet I inclined
towards the opinions of the hero,
whose extinction I wept, without
precisely understanding it.
"As I read,
however, I applied much personally
to my own feelings
and condition. I found myself
similar, yet at the same time
strangely unlike to the beings
concerning whom I read, and to
whose conversation I was a listener.
I sympathised with, and partly
understood them, but I was unformed
in mind; I was dependent on none
and related to none. `The path
of my departure was free;' and
there was none to lament my annihilation.
My person was hideous and my
stature gigantic. What did this
mean? Who was I? What was I?
Whence did I come? What was my
destination? These questions
continually recurred, but I was
unable to solve them.
"The volume
of _Plutarch's Lives_, which
I possessed, contained
the histories of the first founders
of the ancient republics. This
book had a far different effect
upon me from the _Sorrows of
Werter_. I learned from Werter's
imaginations despondency and
gloom: but Plutarch taught me
high thoughts; he elevated me
above the wretched sphere of
my own reflections to admire
and love the heroes of past ages.
Many things I read surpassed
my understanding and experience.
I had a very confused knowledge
of kingdoms, wide extents of
country, mighty rivers, and boundless
seas. But I was perfectly unacquainted
with towns, and large assemblages
of men. The cottage of my protectors
had been the only school in which
I had studied human nature; but
this book developed new and mightier
scenes of action. I read of men
concerned in public affairs,
governing or massacring their
species. I felt the greatest
ardour for virtue rise within
me, and abhorrence for vice,
as far as I understood the signification
of those terms, relative as they
were, as I applied them, to pleasure
and pain alone. Induced by these
feelings, I was of course led
to admire peaceable lawgivers,
Numa, Solon, and Lycurgus, in
preference to Romulus and Theseus.
The patriarchal lives of my protectors
caused these impressions to take
a firm hold on my mind; perhaps,
if my first introduction to humanity
had been made by a young soldier,
burning for glory and slaughter,
I should have been imbued with
different sensations.
"But _Paradise
Lost_ excited different and
far deeper emotions.
I read it, as I had read the
other volumes which had fallen
into my hands, as a true history.
It moved every feeling of wonder
and awe that the picture of an
omnipotent God warring with his
creatures was capable of exciting.
I often referred the several
situations, as their similarity
struck me, to my own. Like Adam,
I was apparently united by no
link to any other being in existence;
but his state was far different
from mine in every other respect.
He had come forth from the hands
of God a perfect creature, happy
and prosperous, guarded by the
especial care of his Creator;
he was allowed to converse with,
and acquire knowledge from, beings
of a superior nature: but I was
wretched, helpless, and alone.
Many times I considered Satan
as the fitter emblem of my condition;
for often, like him, when I viewed
the bliss of my protectors, the
bitter gall of envy rose within
me.
"Another circumstance
strengthened and confirmed
these feelings.
Soon after my arrival in the
hovel, I discovered some papers
in the pocket of the dress which
I had taken from your laboratory.
At first I had neglected them;
but now that I was able to decipher
the characters in which they
were written, I began to study
them with diligence. It was your
journal of the four months that
preceded my creation. You minutely
described in these papers every
step you took in the progress
of your work; this history was
mingled with accounts of domestic
occurrences. You, doubtless,
recollect these papers. Here
they are. Everything is related
in them which bears reference
to my accursed origin; the whole
detail of that series of disgusting
circumstances which produced
it is set in view; the minutest
description of my odious and
loathsome person is given, in
language which painted your own
horrors and rendered mine indelible.
I sickened as I read. `Hateful
day when I received life!' I
exclaimed in agony. `Accursed
creator! Why did you form a monster
so hideous that even _you_ turned
from me in disgust? God, in pity,
made man beautiful and alluring,
after his own image; but my form
is a filthy type of yours, more
horrid even from the very resemblance.
Satan had his companions, fellow-devils,
to admire and encourage him;
but I am solitary and abhorred.'
"These were
the reflections of my hours
of despondency and
solitude; but when I contemplated
the virtues of the cottagers,
their amiable and benevolent
dispositions, I persuaded myself
that when they should become
acquainted with my admiration
of their virtues, they would
compassionate me, and overlook
my personal deformity. Could
they turn from their door one,
however monstrous, who solicited
their compassion and friendship?
I resolved, at least, not to
despair, but in every way to
fit myself for an interview with
them which would decide my fate.
I postponed this attempt for
some months longer; for the importance
attached to its success inspired
me with a dread lest I should
fail. Besides, I found that my
understanding improved so much
with every day's experience that
I was unwilling to commence this
undertaking until a few more
months should have added to my
sagacity.
"Several changes,
in the meantime, took place
in the cottage. The
presence of Safie diffused happiness
among its inhabitants; and I
also found that a greater degree
of plenty reigned there. Felix
and Agatha spent more time in
amusement and conversation, and
were assisted in their labours
by servants. They did not appear
rich, but they were contented
and happy; their feelings were
serene and peaceful, while mine
became every day more tumultuous.
Increase of knowledge only discovered
to me more clearly what a wretched
outcast I was. I cherished hope,
it is true; but it vanished when
I beheld my person reflected
in water, or my shadow in the
moonshine, even as that frail
image and that inconstant shade.
"I endeavoured
to crush these fears, and to
fortify myself
for the trial which in a few
months I resolved to undergo;
and sometimes I allowed my thoughts,
unchecked by reason, to ramble
in the fields of Paradise, and
dared to fancy amiable and lovely
creatures sympathising with my
feelings, and cheering my gloom;
their angelic countenances breathed
smiles of consolation. But it
was all a dream; no Eve soothed
my sorrows, nor shared my thoughts;
I was alone. I remembered Adam's
supplication to his Creator.
But where was mine? He had abandoned
me: and, in the bitterness of
my heart, I cursed him.
"Autumn passed
thus. I saw, with surprise
and grief, the
leaves decay and fall, and nature
again assume the barren and bleak
appearance it had worn when I
first beheld the woods and the
lovely moon. Yet I did not heed
the bleakness of the weather;
I was better fitted by my conformation
for the endurance of cold than
heat. But my chief delights were
the sight of the flowers, the
birds, and all the gay apparel
of summer; when those deserted
me, I turned with more attention
towards the cottagers. Their
happiness was not decreased by
the absence of summer. They loved,
and sympathised with one another;
and their joys, depending on
each other, were not interrupted
by the casualties that took place
around them. The more I saw of
them, the greater became my desire
to claim their protection and
kindness; my heart yearned to
be known and loved by these amiable
creatures: to see their sweet
looks directed towards me with
affection was the utmost limit
of my ambition. I dared not think
that they would turn them from
me with disdain and horror. The
poor that stopped at their door
were never driven away. I asked,
it is true, for greater treasures
than a little food or rest: I
required kindness and sympathy;
but I did not believe myself
utterly unworthy of it.
"The winter
advanced, and an entire revolution
of the seasons
had taken place since I awoke
into life. My attention, at this
time, was solely directed towards
my plan of introducing myself
into the cottage of my protectors.
I revolved many projects; but
that on which I finally fixed
was, to enter the dwelling when
the blind old man should be alone.
I had sagacity enough to discover
that the unnatural hideousness
of my person was the chief object
of horror with those who had
formerly beheld me. My voice,
although harsh, had nothing terrible
in it; I thought, therefore,
that if, in the absence of his
children, I could gain the good-will
and mediation of the old De Lacey,
I might, by his means, be tolerated
by my younger protectors.
"One day, when
the sun shone on the red leaves
that strewed
the ground, and diffused cheerfulness,
although it denied warmth, Safie,
Agatha, and Felix departed on
a long country walk, and the
old man, at his own desire, was
left alone in the cottage. When
his children had departed, he
took up his guitar, and played
several mournful but sweet airs,
more sweet and mournful than
I had ever heard him play before.
At first his countenance was
illuminated with pleasure, but,
as he continued, thoughtfulness
and sadness succeeded; at length,
laying aside the instrument,
he sat absorbed in reflection.
"My heart beat
quick; this was the hour and
moment of trial
which would decide my hopes or
realise my fears. The servants
were gone to a neighbouring fair.
All was silent in and around
the cottage: it was an excellent
opportunity; yet, when I proceeded
to execute my plan, my limbs
failed me, and I sank to the
ground. Again I rose; and, exerting
all the firmness of which I was
master, removed the planks which
I had placed before my hovel
to conceal my retreat. The fresh
air revived me, and, with renewed
determination, I approached the
door of their cottage.
"I knocked.
`Who is there?' said the old
man--`Come in.'
"I entered;
`Pardon this intrusion,' said
I: `I am a traveller in
want of a little rest; you would
greatly oblige me if you would
allow me to remain a few minutes
before the fire.'
"`Enter,' said
De Lacey; `and I will try in
what manner I can
relieve your wants; but, unfortunately,
my children are from home, and,
as I am blind, I am afraid I
shall find it difficult to procure
food for you.'
"`Do not trouble
yourself, my kind host, I have
food; it
is warmth and rest only that
I need.'
"I sat down,
and a silence ensued. I knew
that every minute
was precious to me, yet I remained
irresolute in what manner to
commence the interview; when
the old man addressed me--
"`By your language,
stranger, I suppose you are
my countryman;--are
you French?'
"`No; but I
was educated by a French family,
and understand
that language only. I am now
going to claim the protection
of some friends, whom I sincerely
love, and of whose favour I have
some hopes.'
"`Are they
Germans?'
"`No, they
are French. But let us change
the subject. I
am an unfortunate and deserted
creature; I look around, and
I have no relation or friend
upon earth. These amiable people
to whom I go have never seen
me, and know little of me. I
am full of fears; for if I fail
there, I am an outcast in the
world for ever.'
"`Do not despair.
To be friendless is indeed
to be unfortunate;
but the hearts of men, when unprejudiced
by any obvious self interest,
are full of brotherly love and
charity. Rely, therefore, on
your hopes; and if these friends
are good and amiable, do not
despair.'
"`They are
kind--they are the most excellent
creatures in the
world; but, unfortunately, they
are prejudiced against me. I
have good dispositions; my life
has been hitherto harmless, and
in some degree beneficial; but
a fatal prejudice clouds their
eyes, and where they ought to
see a feeling and kind friend,
they behold only a detestable
monster.'
"`That is indeed
unfortunate; but if you are
really blameless,
cannot you undeceive them?'
"`I am about
to undertake that task; and
it is on that account
that I feel so many overwhelming
terrors. I tenderly love these
friends; I have, unknown to them,
been for many months in the habits
of daily kindness towards them;
but they believe that I wish
to injure them, and it is that
prejudice which I wish to overcome.'
"`Where do
these friends reside?'
"`Near this
spot.'
"The old man
paused, and then continued,
`If you will unreservedly
confide to me the particulars
of your tale, I perhaps may be
of use in undeceiving them. I
am blind, and cannot judge of
your countenance, but there is
something in your words which
persuades me that you are sincere.
I am poor, and an exile; but
it will afford me true pleasure
to be in any way serviceable
to a human creature."
"`Excellent
man! I thank you, and accept
your generous offer.
You raise me from the dust by
this kindness; and I trust that,
by your aid, I shall not be driven
from the society and sympathy
of your fellow-creatures.'
"`Heaven forbid!
even if you were really criminal;
for that
can only drive you to desperation,
and not instigate you to virtue.
I also am unfortunate; I and
my family have been condemned,
although innocent: judge, therefore,
if I do not feel for your misfortunes.'
"`How can I
thank you, my best and only
benefactor? From your
lips first have I heard the voice
of kindness directed towards
me; I shall be for ever grateful;
and your present humanity assures
me of success with those friends
whom I am on the point of meeting.'
"`May I know
the names and residence of
those friends?'
"I paused.
This, I thought, was the moment
of decision, which
was to rob me of, or bestow happiness
on me for ever. I struggled vainly
for firmness sufficient to answer
him, but the effort destroyed
all my remaining strength; I
sank on the chair, and sobbed
aloud. At that moment I heard
the steps of my younger protectors.
I had not a moment to lose; but,
seizing the hand of the old man,
I cried, `Now is the time!--save
and protect me! You and your
family are the friends whom I
seek. Do not you desert me in
the hour of trial!'
"Great God!'
exclaimed the old man, `who
are you?'
"At that instant
the cottage door was opened,
and Felix, Safie,
and Agatha entered. Who can describe
their horror and consternation
on beholding me? Agatha fainted;
and Safie, unable to attend to
her friend, rushed out of the
cottage. Felix darted forward,
and with supernatural force tore
me from his father, to whose
knees I clung: in a transport
of fury, he dashed me to the
ground and struck me violently
with a stick. I could have torn
him limb from limb, as the lion
rends the antelope. But my heart
sunk within me as with bitter
sickness, and I refrained. I
saw him on the point of repeating
his blow, when, overcome by pain
and anguish, I quitted the cottage
and in the general tumult escaped
unperceived to my hovel. |