WE strolled
along in a sufficiently indolent
fashion now, and talked. We
must dispose of about
the amount of time it ought to take to go to the little
hamlet of Abblasoure and put justice on the track of
those murderers and get back home again. And meantime I had an auxiliary interest
which had never paled yet,
never lost its novelty for
me since I had been in
Arthur's kingdom: the behavior -- born of nice and
exact subdivisions of caste -- of chance passers-by
toward each other. Toward the shaven monk who
trudged along with his cowl tilted back and the sweat
washing down his fat jowls, the coal-burner was deeply
reverent; to the gentleman he was abject; with the
small farmer and the free mechanic he was cordial and
gossipy; and when a slave passed by with a countenance respectfully lowered,
this chap's nose was in the
air -- he couldn't even see him. Well, there are times
when one would like to hang the whole human race
and finish the farce.
Presently we struck an incident.
A small mob of half-naked boys
and girls came tearing out of
the woods, scared and shrieking.
The eldest among them were not
more than twelve or fourteen
years old. They implored help,
but they were so beside themselves
that we couldn't make out what
the matter was. However, we plunged
into the wood, they skurrying
in the lead, and the trouble
was quickly revealed: they had
hanged a little fellow with a
bark rope, and he was kicking
and struggling, in the process
of choking to death. We rescued
him, and fetched him around.
It was some more human nature;
the admiring little folk imitating
their elders; they were playing
mob, and had achieved a success
which promised to be a good deal
more serious than they had bargained
for.
It was not a dull excursion
for me. I managed to put in the
time very well. I made various
acquaintanceships, and in my
quality of stranger was able
to ask as many questions as I
wanted to. A thing which naturally
interested me, as a statesman,
was the matter of wages. I picked
up what I could under that head
during the afternoon. A man who
hasn't had much experience, and
doesn't think, is apt to measure
a nation's prosperity or lack
of prosperity by the mere size
of the prevailing wages; if the
wages be high, the nation is
prosperous; if low, it isn't.
Which is an error. It isn't what
sum you get, it's how much you
can buy with it, that's the important
thing; and it's that that tells
whether your wages are high in
fact or only high in name. I
could remember how it was in
the time of our great civil war
in the nineteenth century. In
the North a carpenter got three
dollars a day, gold valuation;
in the South he got fifty --
payable in Confederate shinplasters
worth a dollar a bushel. In the
North a suit of overalls cost
three dollars -- a day's wages;
in the South it cost seventyfive
-- which was two days' wages.
Other things were in proportion.
Consequently, wages were twice
as high in the North as they
were in the South, because the
one wage had that much more purchasing
power than the other had.
Yes, I made various acquaintances
in the hamlet and a thing that
gratified me a good deal was
to find our new coins in circulation
-- lots of milrays, lots of mills,
lots of cents, a good many nickels,
and some silver; all this among
the artisans and commonalty generally;
yes, and even some gold -- but
that was at the bank, that is
to say, the goldsmith's. I dropped
in there while Marco, the son
of Marco, was haggling with a
shopkeeper over a quarter of
a pound of salt, and asked for
change for a twenty-dollar gold
piece. They furnished it -- that
is, after they had chewed the
piece, and rung it on the counter,
and tried acid on it, and asked
me where I got it, and who I
was, and where I was from, and
where I was going to, and when
I expected to get there, and
perhaps a couple of hundred more
questions; and when they got
aground, I went right on and
furnished them a lot of information
voluntarily; told them I owned
a dog, and his name was Watch,
and my first wife was a Free
Will Baptist, and her grandfather
was a Prohibitionist, and I used
to know a man who had two thumbs
on each hand and a wart on the
inside of his upper lip, and
died in the hope of a glorious
resurrection, and so on, and
so on, and so on, till even that
hungry village questioner began
to look satisfied, and also a
shade put out; but he had to
respect a man of my financial
strength, and so he didn't give
me any lip, but I noticed he
took it out of his underlings,
which was a perfectly natural
thing to do. Yes, they changed
my twenty, but I judged it strained
the bank a little, which was
a thing to be expected, for it
was the same as walking into
a paltry village store in the
nineteenth century and requiring
the boss of it to change a two
thousand-dollar bill for you
all of a sudden. He could do
it, maybe; but at the same time
he would wonder how a small farmer
happened to be carrying so much
money around in his pocket; which
was probably this goldsmith's
thought, too; for he followed
me to the door and stood there
gazing after me with reverent
admiration.
Our new money was not only
handsomely circulating, but its
language was already glibly in
use; that is to say, people had
dropped the names of the former
moneys, and spoke of things as
being worth so many dollars or
cents or mills or milrays now.
It was very gratifying. We were
progressing, that was sure.
I got to know several master
mechanics, but about the most
interesting fellow among them
was the blacksmith, Dowley. He
was a live man and a brisk talker,
and had two journeymen and three
apprentices, and was doing a
raging business. In fact, he
was getting rich, hand over fist,
and was vastly respected. Marco
was very proud of having such
a man for a friend. He had taken
me there ostensibly to let me
see the big establishment which
bought so much of his charcoal,
but really to let me see what
easy and almost familiar terms
he was on with this great man.
Dowley and I fraternized at once;
I had had just such picked men,
splendid fellows, under me in
the Colt Arms Factory. I was
bound to see more of him, so
I invited him to come out to
Marco's Sunday, and dine with
us. Marco was appalled, and held
his breath; and when the grandee
accepted, he was so grateful
that he almost forgot to be astonished
at the condescension.
Marco's joy was exuberant --
but only for a moment; then he
grew thoughtful, then sad; and
when he heard me tell Dowley
I should have Dickon, the boss
mason, and Smug, the boss wheelwright,
out there, too, the coal-dust
on his face turned to chalk,
and he lost his grip. But I knew
what was the matter with him;
it was the expense. He saw ruin
before him; he judged that his
financial days were numbered.
However, on our way to invite
the others, I said:
"You must allow
me to have these friends come;
and you must
also allow me to pay the costs."
His face cleared, and he said
with spirit:
"But not all
of it, not all of it. Ye cannot
well bear a
burden like to this alone."
I stopped him, and said:
"Now let's understand each
other on the spot, old friend.
I am only a farm bailiff, it
is true; but I am not poor, nevertheless.
I have been very fortunate this
year -- you would be astonished
to know how I have thriven. I
tell you the honest truth when
I say I could squander away as
many as a dozen feasts like this
and never care THAT for the expense!" and
I snapped my fingers. I could
see myself rise a foot at a time
in Marco's estimation, and when
I fetched out those last words
I was become a very tower for
style and altitude. "So you see,
you must let me have my way.
You can't contribute a cent to
this orgy, that's SETTLED."
"It's grand
and good of you --"
"No, it isn't.
You've opened your house to
Jones and me in
the most generous way; Jones
was remarking upon it to-day,
just before you came back from
the village; for although he
wouldn't be likely to say such
a thing to you -- because Jones
isn't a talker, and is diffident
in society -- he has a good heart
and a grateful, and knows how
to appreciate it when he is well
treated; yes, you and your wife
have been very hospitable toward
us --"
"Ah, brother,
'tis nothing -- SUCH hospitality!"
"But it IS
something; the best a man has,
freely given, is always
something, and is as good as
a prince can do, and ranks right
along beside it -- for even a
prince can but do his best. And
so we'll shop around and get
up this layout now, and don't
you worry about the expense.
I'm one of the worst spendthrifts
that ever was born. Why, do you
know, sometimes in a single week
I spend -- but never mind about
that -- you'd never believe it
anyway."
And so we went gadding along,
dropping in here and there, pricing
things, and gossiping with the
shopkeepers about the riot, and
now and then running across pathetic
reminders of it, in the persons
of shunned and tearful and houseless
remnants of families whose homes
had been taken from them and
their parents butchered or hanged.
The raiment of Marco and his
wife was of coarse tow-linen
and linsey-woolsey respectively,
and resembled township maps,
it being made up pretty exclusively
of patches which had been added,
township by township, in the
course of five or six years,
until hardly a hand's-breadth
of the original garments was
surviving and present. Now I
wanted to fit these people out
with new suits, on account of
that swell company, and I didn't
know just how to get at it --
with delicacy, until at last
it struck me that as I had already
been liberal in inventing wordy
gratitude for the king, it would
be just the thing to back it
up with evidence of a substantial
sort; so I said:
"And Marco,
there's another thing which
you must permit --
out of kindness for Jones --
because you wouldn't want to
offend him. He was very anxious
to testify his appreciation in
some way, but he is so diffident
he couldn't venture it himself,
and so he begged me to buy some
little things and give them to
you and Dame Phyllis and let
him pay for them without your
ever knowing they came from him
-- you know how a delicate person
feels about that sort of thing
-- and so I said I would, and
we would keep mum. Well, his
idea was, a new outfit of clothes
for you both --"
"Oh, it is
wastefulness! It may not be,
brother, it may not
be. Consider the vastness of
the sum --"
"Hang the vastness
of the sum! Try to keep quiet
for a moment,
and see how it would seem; a
body can't get in a word edgeways,
you talk so much. You ought to
cure that, Marco; it isn't good
form, you know, and it will grow
on you if you don't check it.
Yes, we'll step in here now and
price this man's stuff -- and
don't forget to remember to not
let on to Jones that you know
he had anything to do with it.
You can't think how curiously
sensitive and proud he is. He's
a farmer -- pretty fairly well-to-do
farmer -- an I'm his bailiff;
BUT -- the imagination of that
man! Why, sometimes when he forgets
himself and gets to blowing off,
you'd think he was one of the
swells of the earth; and you
might listen to him a hundred
years and never take him for
a farmer -- especially if he
talked agriculture. He THINKS
he's a Sheol of a farmer; thinks
he's old Grayback from Wayback;
but between you and me privately
he don't know as much about farming
as he does about running a kingdom
-- still, whatever he talks about,
you want to drop your underjaw
and listen, the same as if you
had never heard such incredible
wisdom in all your life before,
and were afraid you might die
before you got enough of it.
That will please Jones."
It tickled Marco to the marrow
to hear about such an odd character;
but it also prepared him for
accidents; and in my experience
when you travel with a king who
is letting on to be something
else and can't remember it more
than about half the time, you
can't take too many precautions.
This was the best store we
had come across yet; it had everything
in it, in small quantities, from
anvils and drygoods all the way
down to fish and pinchbeck jewelry.
I concluded I would bunch my
whole invoice right here, and
not go pricing around any more.
So I got rid of Marco, by sending
him off to invite the mason and
the wheelwright, which left the
field free to me. For I never
care to do a thing in a quiet
way; it's got to be theatrical
or I don't take any interest
in it. I showed up money enough,
in a careless way, to corral
the shopkeeper's respect, and
then I wrote down a list of the
things I wanted, and handed it
to him to see if he could read
it. He could, and was proud to
show that he could. He said he
had been educated by a priest,
and could both read and write.
He ran it through, and remarked
with satisfaction that it was
a pretty heavy bill. Well, and
so it was, for a little concern
like that. I was not only providing
a swell dinner, but some odds
and ends of extras. I ordered
that the things be carted out
and delivered at the dwelling
of Marco, the son of Marco, by
Saturday evening, and send me
the bill at dinner-time Sunday.
He said I could depend upon his
promptness and exactitude, it
was the rule of the house. He
also observed that he would throw
in a couple of miller-guns for
the Marcos gratis -- that everybody
was using them now. He had a
mighty opinion of that clever
device. I said:
"And please
fill them up to the middle
mark, too; and add
that to the bill."
He would, with pleasure. He
filled them, and I took them
with me. I couldn't venture to
tell him that the miller-gun
was a little invention of my
own, and that I had officially
ordered that every shopkeeper
in the kingdom keep them on hand
and sell them at government price
-- which was the merest trifle,
and the shopkeeper got that,
not the government. We furnished
them for nothing.
The king had hardly missed
us when we got back at nightfall.
He had early dropped again into
his dream of a grand invasion
of Gaul with the whole strength
of his kingdom at his back, and
the afternoon had slipped away
without his ever coming to himself
again.
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